seems like the more months that pass the more i process. — do you ever feel like that?!
and i can’t seem to shake these “things”, as the seasons pass they only continue to build. some days they seem a bit lessened, but most days they seem full-on intense. but the seasons continue to bring more.
things like…
why didn’t we find a church sooner? {this has been on my heart for months.}
why can’t i connect with more friends in minneapolis? {i feel inadequate.}
why, when we moved from michigan to minnesota, did i have to leave my best friends? that was nearly 2.5 years ago and i still like those deep friendships are missing in my life. {i feel lost without my girls.}
why do i put so much pressure on myself? {i seem to always let myself down.}
last wednesday i packed my bags {three, to be exact}, and flew to nashville for blissdom. i’d been two other times and was pretty darn excited to attend this year. my handmade story, how i was able to leave my day job to pursue Gussy Sews full time heavily revolves around attending blissdom for the first time in 2010. it’s easy to say blissdom has a special place in my ruffly heart ♥. even though i’m in a rough season i still find things to be thankful for.
but this year, having attended a nearly a dozen {what?!} blog conferences, i knew it would be easy to come home and feel let down once real life settled back in. i cherish the time spent with other women and seem to hate coming back home only to feel like i have no one to do that with here. {i feel like i don’t know how to fit in.} i spent an extra 2 days in nashville with angie and can’t seem to shake some of the things we talked about. i suppose that’s a good thing ;)
there are so many women i share my journey with, but many of them live in other cites, ones that don’t start with minne- and end in -appolis.
i got home just a few days ago and i feel like i’m finally able to put my nail-polished finger on what i’ve been processing: sometimes seasons are for processing a lot ~ and each morning is a new opportunity at trying to be brave… even when i feel anything but.
i feel like we’re in a really weird place right now and it’s hard to know where + how to fit in.
my mind drifts back to all the things that should be/could be/would be if things were just… different. and so this means we’ve been processing some emotional, personal things. i don’t feel like myself. i miss our family. i’m trying to be more open to what God wants me to process. and despite being Gussy, i feel lonely… often. it’s terrible and i fear i’m going to offend, when really the main reason i’m sharing is to stop feeling this way.
do you ever feel like this? if you do, leave a comment below. i’d love to pray for you :) and if you feel comfortable, consider sharing a bit of your heart with your comment. i know i’m not the only one that feels like i can’t shake all that i’m processing ~ i hope we can come together as a community so we can all feel a little less alone.
xoxo.
I relate more than I would even like to admit. We moved last year and my business took off, but my heart always feels like there is a chunk missing. So, why one part of me is overflowing, the other one wants a girlfriend to chat over coffee with about life and dreams and kids. XO, Bev
it’s a constant roller coaster — with the hardest part not feeling thankful enough for what i have (but don’t need). thank you so much for your comment :) means so much that you took the time!
I feel the same way a lot of the time! I am pretty quiet and don’t make friends easily, and it can be hard. Even online with blogging, it seems like people connect so easily and I find that hard to do? My introvert ways even apply to blogging apparently, ha!
it can be easy to connect online when you have time to write out the perfect thing and be seen exactly how you want to be seen. but then again, i totally understand wanting to write out the perfect thing, so we just don’t, and how that can become a fault. i think everyone struggles with these things :) at least i do!!! life is HARD, that is for sure. xoxo
I love this verse! Grateful that you are sharing your faith through your blog.
Oh, I hear you and understand!!! I am processing so much right now (seems like TOO much). We are living in a different country right now and all I want to do is get on a plane and be back in Minnesota with my family and friends. So I am lonely, and I haven’t taken time to open myself up to meeting people here. And because I know we will be moving back there in about a year and a half I find myself struggling with if I should try and make friends here. I made friends (specifically one) when we were in the Netherlands for a year….but then had to leave them, and I just keep telling myself it isn’t worth making friends here and then having to leave them. But then at the same time, I’m lonely. The benefit? I find myself being more spiritual and leaning on my faith more. So I am thinking that this is what this season of life is about. Focusing on my faith and my family. (At least I hope that’s it.) :-)
yep. moving to a new place is scary! once the excitement of a new city wears off i start thinking, “when can we move back? i miss my friends.” but then life picks up again and we become busy so i start to think i don’t need friends, because REMEMBER… we’ll move back one day. and suddenly i’m face-to-face with the realization that i don’t know what “one day” looks like. i don’t have control over that area and maybe it’s time to focus on that a bit more. xoxo
Thank you for the honesty in your post. After college my friends moved away for jobs/graduate school while I stayed in the same town we went to school in. It is very hard to know what to do when you’re used to being surrounded by wonderful friends all the time and then suddenly you’re not. I remember telling my husband on one particularly lonely day that I didn’t want to make new friends, I already had great friends – they were just far away! I recently started a blog and an Etsy shop to try and feel more connected but I’m finding that even in the blog world it is hard to make friends :)
I love the verse in your post. It is easy to forget to trust in God and think we can make everything happen ourselves. Trust in God’s timing and know that you’re not alone in feeling this way!
it’s a comfort thing… i’m glad you get it :) thanks for commenting sarah! ♥
Yes! Although my story is very different than yours, I feel those same things, almost daily! I live in the same little town I grew up in, and even attend the same church that my family has always attended. But it seems that every time I get really close to someone, then God calls that person away. It’s incredibly disheartening to me, and I’m afraid to step out and really open up to another woman. It’s been almost two years since my last “best friend” was taken away from me, and I still have a hard time processing that.
I’ve been in the same place for a while too. There have been so many personal questions, times of prayer and seeking the Lord that I haven’t even written on my blog since last June. It’s been a big deal to set that aside for a while and focus on my family and finding out what direction our path should take.
as a military wife i totally understand this! i haven’t had to move around to much, but it’s never the same when you have leave great people and start over. i miss my lunch dates with my bff ALOT. i sometimes (well most times), i feel like i don’t fit in, especially when she isn’t here to help me through. sometimes i find that just getting out there helps, other times not so much. ya know… i also think God puts us through seasons like this to show us something, to change our prospective, so we can one day reach out and help someone else who is hurting just like we once did. or even to show us that if we lean on Him, that He will always get us through, He wants to be our bff. <3
i tell you, i am definitely “taking notes” on this season of my life… if that’s what this is all for, then OK! :)
thanks so much for your comment! praying for you…
I am both surprised and encouraged to read your post this morning. Surprised because your blog is always so upbeat and positive-it is a place I come to to drink in your bright colors and fresh creativity! Encouraged because you feel like me. Like many of us do, I am sure. I have not moved very far away from my family, but every time I make a God fearing, really good friend, they move! Seriously, I mean, I bathe and everything! I crave meaningful friendships. And God has provided them in the most unusual places. This week I found out I am going to have to say goodbye to yet another friend. And it’s a great move for she and her husband. But I can’t help but be a little selfish. My new antiquing, funky, cool friend.
Then I return to my Bible once again. And I pray for another new friend. And I read your post! I will pray for your season of processing. As we both cling to the Truth, He will give us wisdom.
And I think you are super duper cool. Just so you know. ;)
…that’s exactly what i thought about before publishing this post.
what will people think?
will they understand?
will i offend anyone? (oh, the fear in that…)
will this post make my blog a negative place?
all i want is to encourage others and be real… life is SO HARD and we have to stick together :) xoxoxo
Oh I get it, sometimes I feel like I’m left to process alone as I navigate the world wide web for tips, info & help in running a teeny tiny handmade business, it gets lonely not knowing what I’m doing…and scary…and overwhelming. I so desire to break out of the margins & really take off with my business & make it a full time thing but I feel like so much is holding me back. Inadequacy like you mentioned before is a big one. I have ALWAYS struggled with that & I hate it. I don’t know why, I have a pretty heavy testimony for such a young person & God has brought me through SO much in the last 10 years of my life, I’m so grateful for what I have, who I am & the loved ones in my life now, so why shouldn’t I be blazing a trail? But often I just feel “blah” like I can’t do it, shouldn’t do it b/c I should be more responsible; we’re trying to pay off debt & a lot of what keeps me holding onto a job I hate is so I can help pay the bills since my handmade business isn’t steady & won’t be unless I can invest more time into it. Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck on a hamster wheel that I’ll never find my way off of & be able to live a dream of growing my business. Then to top it off hubby & I are on separate schedules (he works a night shift & I work during the day); he’s a wonderful support to me & has always helped me pursue this dream but its hard to keep motivated when you only see your biggest fan on the weekends; that’s the *really lonely* part. And another part is that I just don’t have enough people surrounding me that have similar pursuits or interests, they all think this is just a hobby for me when I wish it could be so much more & I just think they don’t know how to encourage that. Its hard to bounce a million ideas & questions off of someone when they really have no clue or much invested in what you’re trying to do. I know that’s a lot of rambling but its where I am right now. I’ll be praying for you, hopefully we can lift each other up during this time & see something great come out of it. :-) Blessings to you my dear!
{i quoted that same verse this week on my blog for a slightly different reason – comparing myself to others.}
our family is in a transition stage as well and we have declared this season as a season of rest. saying “no” to things we normally would say “yes” to in the past. it has been been difficult at times, but we are already seeing how this transition and season of rest has been a good choice for our family. and the thing about seasons – they do not last forever. i can imagine amazing things coming out of this season for you! praying for you dear friend.
praying hard i get to hug you in a couple weeks!!!!! ♥
**That is to say that your upbeat, positive blog is refreshingly honest is wonderful! I think I need some more hot tea….
Oh of COURSE I feel this way! Thanks for your honesty- I think it’s a big part of what makes your blog so cool- that people can relate to you as a person. I find myself constantly wondering why it used to be so easy to make friends and now it seems so hard. Or why I don’t really fit in with the girls at church, even though I like them very much.
Praying for some encouragement for you in this tough season.
i really do have a lot of the same thoughts + fears as everyone else! thanks so much for your comment… it means so much, makes me feel a little more normal ;)
YES! I feel this way! I feel lonely and inadequate. Last night I was in tears in bed and wondering why God has me go through times like this. But I think it’s because He wants us to get our worth and satisfaction only from HIM. From no one or nothing else. He is jealous for me. And I know that’s what He’s trying to teach me on this season of life, it’s just one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to learn and rely on Him for. I’ll pray for you {right now} as you experience these things as well. He designed us to desire close relationships, and He only wants to give us the best!
two of my favorite verses:
matthew 11:28 — come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and i will give you rest
exodus 14:14 — the lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.
praying for you, carly! XO
I definitely feel this way! I moved back to my college town so my boyfriend could go to grad school. All his best friends are still here but mine have all moved on – like I thought I had! All my favorite places have even closed to be replaced by new, trendy places, and I feel like this town doesn’t have much to offer a 24-year old. Now we’re talking about moving again in August – and my boyfriend’s friends are talking about MOVING WITH US! I’m glad he has such close buddies but it makes me feel even more lonely that his friends are sticking together while mine have spread across the country. It feels like I’m always starting over and he never has to!
I think no matter how connected you feel to your blog friends, this whole blog world can make a person feel isolated in a way. The need to see people in person and chat over coffee will never go away. The good news is that you have created a business that you can do anywhere in the world. If a job change for your hubby takes you back to family someday, you can move your business and keep it going. You have really accomplished a lot on the business front! Maybe try to find some more friends in your neighborhood. Keep your eyes and ears open for a book group or knitting club. Or even start one of your own by spreading the word and finding a few like minded ladies. If you are going to put down roots, a circle of friends will make it stick.
Yes! I often feel lonely, and I know that it’s because I don’t have my close friends nearby. I tend to be a solitary person anyhow, which I usually like, but it makes it hard when I don’t want to be alone. And I find it hard to go make friends because I never think I’ll measure up. I don’t have a “real” job at the moment, I’m not religious enough, I don’t make enough money, I don’t have the perfect body….and on it goes. I find that I often don’t think I have anything to offer anyone that they already have friends and lives.
It’s hard to process that and break out of it. It IS! I know I’m still working on it. Just know I’m thinking of you and sending many good {non lonely!} thoughts your way!
I don’t have any advice or helpful hints or anything like that…just the reassurance that you aren’t alone in this stage of life. I moved from North Carolina to Colorado five years ago and have struggled with finding the same kind of deep and meaningful relationships here that I have back home. It’s a constant…constant…struggle for me to be here when the people I love the most are thousands of miles away. I find it easy to see the blessings of God in others’ lives, but not so much in my own because I often feel so isolated. I’ll be praying for you and your husband, for direction and provision (in many ways) and eyes to see ways the Lord is working. Thanks for posting this today and reminding me that I’m not alone either…
AM
I hear you on the girlfriends thing. =( Move here and we can be besties! lol. But seriously, I was just having a similar convo with my hubby the other day- about feeling lonely. I was telling him how I miss having too many girlfriends to count, and that it’s just SO hard to make new friends at this age/ stage in my life. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever really have a best friend again.. and this makes me sad. We have a few friends here, from our child’s playgroup and my hubby’s co-workers- but it’s just not the same kind of relationships I used to have. I also feel like there is a non-existent blogging community here- so trying to meet up with fellow bloggers is also out of the question. What’s a girl to do? Please don’t ever feel like you are alone- you have so many gals who look up to you and support you even from far away. ((hugs))
P.S. Give Bauer a big kiss from Pip!
My dear you are NOT alone as you can see by the out pouring of love above! You see I have spent a life time (or least virtually ALL of my 47 years) moving. Yep you guessed it… a military family. As a child we moved every 18 to 36 months, in fact by the time I was a junior in high school I had attended 10 different schools. I have NO childhood friends. But do you know what God has been beside me the entire time! Even as an adult I’ve moved a bit as my husband is in the military but the hardest move came 7 years ago. I had finally found my “soul-sister” (I’m an only child) and it was the first time I was crushed to move. To this day I miss her something fierce but I the Lord is working on the both of us. Stretching us in ways we could never have imagined if we still lived in the same town… teaching us to become more dependent on Him (she’s a preacher’s wife, ha ha!). When we are at our lowest, the Lord is there with us, holding us, guiding us, strengthening us and even comforting us. And reaching out to others is good as well. Please know that I will be praying for you! Trust me I am very much speaking to the choir here as I’ve been going through this VERY SAME thing myself recently. (just now starting the planning stages of the business aspect of life though and it scares the bejebbas out of me! do i try freelance writing? do i see about selling stock photos? how do i go about doing this? how do i handle graduation? and the fact that my eldest leaves for the usmc in dec? yep all the stages of life! :) ) thanks again for posting and opening your heart! We love you and life you up!!
We all have seasons like this. If someone says they don’t then they aren’t being truthful with themselves.
Some days I feel like I have it all, in the very next moment I can feel sad and think ‘why why why?’ But. I try to sit back and really think about the good and the bad. When I was younger my dad used to make me make a list for everything…and I”d have to weigh the pro’s and con’s. And that carries over to my grown up life now. It may not be a written out list, but I can assure you there is a constant mental list going on. However, It never fails that I can find so much more good than bad. And things that tend to be a big deal at the moment really aren’t a big deal if I dig in and see what really is at the root of the issue.
I think that Satan attacks us most when we are happy, successful, fulfilled. He sees our joy and he wants to steal it. Don’t let him steal your joy! You have SO MUCH to be thankful for. Even when you feel like you feel right now.
I understand that living in a different city/town/state is uncomfortable. I get it. I lived in San Diego for 10 months at the ripe old age of 19 and newly married. To say I was homesick was an understatment. I did make a few friends, but they weren’t my real friends, and they sure as heck were not my family. BUT, I missed out on so much that I could have done with my husband and on the places I could have gone or hobbies I could have taken up because of my ‘living for home’ mentality.
All this to say, I know it’s hard. But just try to live for today. Get involved in the area around you. I mean, listen. YOU ARE GUSSY! YOU ARE MAGGIE! People are going to LOVE you for YOU! Believe me! You have so much to offer so many. Like Tricia said above…the blog is great, but it’s not ‘real life’ friends. Sometimes I know I feel like I put more time and effort into commenting on blogs and twitter and instagram than I do my own friends that are a short 10 minute drive away. Sad but true. However, I have made some lifelong friends that way…including you…but how much better is a friendship when you can hug or call or share a cupcake? Really, person to person is invaluable. I know I wish we were neighbors, because I KNOW we would be best of friends!
I don’t know if anything I said makes sense, or if its just a big jumble, but the key is to build relationships. If that means getting out of the sewing room for a day or night, then do it. Find groups in your area. Find a church. Volunteer somewhere. Heck, go to Joann or Hobby Lobby and stand in the yarn aisle and see if anyone that interests you walks to the same section! ;)
You are a jewel Maggie! Believe that!!!!
LOVE YOU!
xoxoxo
I totally could have written this, but I have lived in the same city pretty much my whole life, but my life is really different AND my entire family lives out of state so I am struggling with fitting in with the people around me and doing a really good job of failing at making relationships.
I’d totally be your bestie if we lived in the same state, you have a great and so much to offer! Hang in there and keep trying, that’s pretty much all you can do :)
Heck no you are not the only one who feels this was girl!! My husband and I just moved our little family from San Diego to Sacramento. We left behind BOTH his family and my family; our parents, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, friends, EVERYONE! It was and of course still is hard! And I am finding it really hard to connect with other women. I desperately miss my friends and out “girl” time. Spending time with my fam is fab, but a girl needs some time with her girls to vent and giggle and shop and talk about girl things!! I think once I find some friends I will feel so much more connected. I just started attending a women’s bible study at church in hopes of finding some friends, but it is painfully awkward, especially since I feel that everyone knows each other and I am the odd man out! I am forcing myself to keep going, because I know friendships don’t happen over night and I know that God is teaching me something!! Hang in there girl!! And thanks for sharing your heart!!
Blessings!
Marissa
It’s called transition. To everything there is a season. And it’s winter where you are. Spring is coming and that makes a big difference. Hang in there Gussy…Joy comes in the morning.
i feel you on this issue on so many levels. we moved from Minneapolis just about around the same time you moved there. (crazy, huh.) to phoniex. for ministry jobs. i was pregnant living in a new city, new church, new everything. starting over in a sense. and now almost 3 years later i still feel very stuck in a lot of ways. there are great things about our life, ones that i’m grateful for and feel very blessed. but building and making friends has been so hard for me. it’s been a challenge, and it makes me miss my girls in minneapolis oh so much. i too, wish some of my best blogging buddies lived here.
Every. Single. Day.
You know this already, but I’m going to say it again. I may have lived in this city for the majority of my life, but I’ve never felt so isolated than I have in the past few years. Yes, it’s hard for me to admit it, but it’s even harder for me to open up, reach out to friends {like you}, and try to make things change. You’re not alone.
So this is me saying, “I’m here.”
Whether it’s coffee at Patisserie or learning to crochet on my couch, it doesn’t matter. If you need someone, just pick up your phone and send me a little text. :)
{Hugs}
I too am struggling with finding a church, and connecting with people. I try joining different groups, doing retreats and bible studies hoping to connect and I just don’t. I pray and hope that someday things will finally “click” and I will be blessed beyond my imagination with a church and amazing friends who will love and support me for who I am. We all have periods of being alone and know that you are in company…HE has a plan and in HIS time it will be revealed. I live in MN also – maybe some day we will run into each other.
“i feel like we’re in a really weird place right now and it’s hard to know where + how to fit in.” You could probably open my journal and find some version of these words at every turning point in my life. moving to a new town, starting midding school, starting college, moving home after college.
It’s been nearly two years since graduating college and I haven’t made any new friends. I started two jobs, I went to a women’s networking group for a year, I regularly attend the same knitting group. I have no new friends to show for it. [And I feel like it *must* be me. This *must* be something that is wrong with my personality/ability to make friends.] I moved back home and naively expected to pick up where I left off with some high school friends – people I see every year when I came home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the summer. People who are still in the area – living as close as we did before we could all drive. I knew it would be hard but I expected to continue the close friendships I’d built in college. None of it has worked out like I’d hoped. Everyone’s lives are moving so fast- and it feels like they are all moving away from me. But I keep trying. I drive an hour once a month to see my best friend from college (who is dating HB’s good friend from college). Every week I try to schedule yoga with a girlfriend that lives just down the road.
I gave up a long time ago on trying to keep my high school friendships going. We are all so weird and awkward in high school and we base our friendships on such temporary things that once we are out in the world and figure out who we are, we just don’t match up with that person anymore. It took me a while to realize that was okay.
I have also “rekindled” a friendship with someone I didn’t speak to for 10 years after high school. (rekindled is such an awkward word – it sounds like a romantic interlude…) We were friends then and went literally ten years without speaking and it was an angry ten years. But we ran into each other, had dinner one night and realized that we had both grown in ways that brought us closer together and we are the best of friends now. She gives great advice and really keeps my head level. All of that to say this – don’t overlook all of your old friends. Maybe there was an acquaintance from years past that you never got to know well and now you would be great friends! :)
Hi Maggie — Just wanted to say (like everyone else) that I can totally relate and feel these same things quite often. My husband and I have made two cross-country moves (for his work) in three years and while we’re confident we’re following God’s direction for our lives, it’s been so hard! It’s hard finding a church, it’s hard finding friends, it’s hard being thousands of miles away from family. My work situation has changed multiple times due to moving, which has made everything that much harder. I hear you!! These seasons are hard, but thank goodness we know that the Lord hears our prayers!
love you friend. the older i get, the harder it is to make true, soul friends. and also to maintain friendships as life moves forward and moves people apart. thanks for sharing your heart!! xo
wait…my city ends in apolis. ;)
Hey it does! Solution!
HA HA HA… you two are the best!!!!!!! :)
I am in a similar place. A new marriage is a fantastic, wonderful adventure full of fun and newness…but it’s hard when I am figuring out my new wife self and how I can be me at the same time. I’m also struggling with connecting. I can relate:)
I feel that way too… and have so many times since I got out of college. I think this is just a lonely adjusting time of life. When you are in school, friendship is so built into your day to day structure. I felt alone in those first few years after I got out of college, got the good friend feeling back when I was in grad school, and have been struggling with it for the last 3 years as I make my adult life work. It’s not fun, but you’re not alone. I’m starting to feel like online friends are the way to go… sure, you can’t get coffee, but if you can make it work, it’s so much easier to find kindred spirits.
Thanks for sharing this!! I feel this way, too, even though I’ve been living in my central MN area for 8+ years. Actually, I think a lot of women feel this way, and then the enemy makes them ashamed for feeling this way, so then we don’t reach out to people, and then we feel this way! It’s a vicious cycle, and it takes courage to look for new friends and “put yourself out there” in a whole new way. Thanks for starting a conversation. Also, you might enjoy the book “MWF seeking BFF” by Rachel Bertsch. She challenges herself to go on a friend-date a week for an entire year, and it’s fun and vulnerable and inspirational.
I can totally relate. I’m currently living in South Dakota and all of my closest friends are at least a 6 hour drive away. Been here for a little over 4 years and I still don’t have that deep friendship with anyone here. And I’m constantly wondering why? Or questioning why I decided to stay here.
My cousin currently lives in Minneapolis and attends River Valley Church (www.rivervalley.org) – not sure if you’ve checked it out but she loves it.
It’s nice to see that someone else is struggling with the same things – Thanks for sharing. Stay strong even tho I know it’s hard!
Gussy, I moved 6 hours away from my friends and family, 3 years ago. It sucked. I felt a void of friendships and couldn’t understand why. I have always been surrounded by friends and family, and suddenly, I found myself all alone (well, with my husband of course!).
I found outlets and one of the best things I did was volunteer. I joined the Jr. League and met so many [amazing] women, connected with some, and found a social life that was non-existent for 3 years! I still miss my besties in Dallas, but at least I have some good friends here. Sounds cheesey, but it’s the damn truth.
I hope you find an outlet. I hope you connect with someone locally [soon]. You are so rockin’, I’d love to be your friend!
And PS – one of my besties here (in Corpus Christi, TX) is from Minneapolis and said the same thing about here …. until she transferred her Jr. League membership. :)
Yes!! We moved to a new country a year and a half ago, and it was actually easier when we first moved bc thats when everyone was being all friendly and nice to us, now that weve been here for a while people kind of forgot about us and its been really hard for me. when we first moved i actually found some great friends but then realized i dont feel comfortable enough around them, no matter how close we got, and that i dont want my closest friends to live those kind of lifestyles. since then its been super hard for me, esp since i am also pretty shy and dont like to initiate conversations and relationships. i also miss my best friends like crazy, the ones you can always be exactly yourself around, and look up to you, and love you to pieces no matter what. i hate having to “prove” myself and get to know people all over again and again. i wish you the best of luck and i hope you post an update soon letting us know how you are.
I can so relate to this Gussy & i’ll be praying for you. We just now found a church that we like as a family {better than not at all right?} and as far as friends – oh boy. I have my sisters and sister in laws that live near us but everyone is so busy with their lives and I love them to death, but I miss having friends. My two bffs – I have never met in person & live in completely different states {I met them through this wonderful blog world} from me and I tell my husband all the time I wished they lived here or I could go visit them. It’s just hard for me to make friends that are around here. I’m shy & being stuck at home all day and not being able to go out alot makes it to where I don’t get much social interaction.
Thanks for sharing your heart Gussy. *hugs*
I will be back in Texas sooooon hopefully and we can hang out!!! :)
I had this same conversation quite a few times while at Blissdom! How in many ways we’ve replaced our real-life relationships for on-line ones. I think that fact that we’re able to connect with such a wide range of people in such a meaningful way is AMAZING. However, while I used to think I was pretty alone in this, those relationships aren’t supplemented with face-to-face relationships. We have an awesome online community, but have nothing in “real-life”. There are lots of reasons for this, I don’t want to sound like I’m chastising anyone — but in the end, the outcome is the same. We check our instagram, twitter, rss, & facebook feeds more often than we feel comfortable admitting just for a chance to feel connected for a moment.
I’ve lived here in Nashville for 10 years now. I married the only true friend that I’ve made. Luckily, in the last couple of years as my girls’ social calendar has started filling up I have started making friends with the other parent’s as well, but even those ladies, who I think highly of, aren’t the deep meaningful friends I long for.
What I find most surprising that we spent several evenings together & neither of us knew we were feeling pretty much the same way. I guess in the end we all have a junior high version of ourselves hiding deep down, waiting to show herself in our moments of vulnerability. :)
I am so glad we were able to hang out. Since leaving Blissdom, I’ve been trying to find a way to put in words how much I appreciated you & your roommates that didn’t leave me sounding too cheesy. I think the world of all of you, both from a entrepreneurial standpoint & (this one especially!) because of how kind, gracious, welcoming & genuine you are. I just wish I could find (and had time to find!!) people like you who lived a little closer. ;)
Yes, yes, and yes. I’m over 10 months into unemployment/under-employment (I’m 26 and single, supporting myself + 2 kitties). This is after 2 years of some pretty hellish work experiences which left me emotionally, spiritually, and mentally wiped out. I was still way in the beginning of processing and healing THAT when I lost my job. I’m looking at a (mutual and amicable) end to a relationship. Interviews for 3 positions (applied for 26) later, and I’m sensing God is NOT calling me to my dream company but instead to nannying (and I AM excited for that). I question and I beat myself up and I run in circles. And still… God is good. All the time. Sometimes I stubbornly want to mope but even in the ugly, dark, depressing times that core inside me compels thanksgiving and praise. Even when I don’t want to.
I’m a new reader but I’m sending big hugs and prayers!
xo
Alanna
oh my goodness – yes, i have those feelings too. maybe for slightly different reasons, but does seem like things have been personally challenging for me lately. we live in a little kansas town (moved here 3 1/2 years ago) and the best friend that i’ve made here is in the process of moving, and at the same time a friend i’ve had since grade school is recovering from a horrible car accident. things seemed jumbled up right now and i often have trouble slowing down my mind. you are not alone. with prayer and time i hope things begin to sort themselves out. :)
thanks for sharing this post. i think so many times, we, as women, put so many pressures on ourselves and think that ‘she’ has it all together, or ‘her’ life is so perfect, when in actuality, we do not know what goes on behind closed doors per se……i also think that as we get older it is way more difficult to make good girlfriends.
i think making ourselves available and opening ourselves up to new people, ideas etc. are all ways to become more involved in a new community and making new friends. i think too many times, girls act jealous of each other instead of welcoming the possibility of new friendships. continue to maintain your sunny personality and pray for guidance. i wish you the best of luck! xo
I checked my e-mail this afternoon and read this about unmet longings:
http://devotions.proverbs31.org/2012/03/unmet-longings.html?utm_source=encftdevo&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=encftdevo
Thank you so much for sharing your heart it’s beautiful!!!! Even though you’re in a difficult season you are beautiful both inside and out and you are loved!
I have to say, I also feel this way more than I am willing to admit. I have never really had very many friends…to be honest I only have two friends (besides my hubby) and they both live in different cities. Hubby and I moved to a city for work and we knew no one and our family wasn’t close either. We didn’t get plugged into a church and often found ourselves, in a slump, empty and missing something. We recently found an amazing church and things have changed in a positive way. I am still working on growing meaningful relationships/friendship but I finally have a sense of peace. I really truly believe He has filed that void, He has helped me /us through those difficult seasons and without Him I wouldn’t be where I am today. I will be praying for you!
I wanted to mention, even though I am not sure where exactly you live in Minneapolis, the church hubby and I have been attendingis amazing and they have different church plants all around the world and there is one in Minneapolis and thought I’d pass on the information along, with hopes that maybe it’s close enough where you live so you can check into it if you’d like. No pressure obviously, I just wanted to share! http://www.harvestwestminneapolis.org/
oh man this was a great post. Not only did it tug on my heart strings because I feel like I was going through this the last two years but also made me want to give you a great big hug! I just recently reflected on this and my past year on my blog here http://nataliensor.blogspot.com/2012/02/reflection.html and how brought me through such big things here http://nataliensor.blogspot.com/2012/02/weeds.html
It’s always easy to say we know God has a plan and that this season shall pass but while you’re in the midst of the fog it’s so much harder to take on those truths for ourselves and really hide His promises in our hearts. Praying that he will wrap His loving arms around you and bring you comfort and a peace that only he can provide. That he will bring you just the right people to come along side you and be able to lift you up and give you a hug when your are feeling like this. HUGS!!!!
xoxo,
Nat
Oh lovely lady… I cannot tell you how uplifting and reassuring it is to know that someone I admire and look up to for her business gusto and security in who she is and what she can do struggles with the same things I do. I know you hardly know me (and I pray regularly that that little fact might change some day) but I consider you a mentor and somewhat of a friend. So I thought I would share my story with you as well…
I grew up in a small town in Texas. I lived there for 26 years. My husband and I got married in August of 2008 and in June of 2009 we moved to another small town in Louisiana. I left my mother, my father, every friend I had ever known and lots of other family to move to a town where I knew almost nobody. I dove into blogging about 6 months after we moved here to give me something to occupy my time. I found your blog and was hooked! It was such a blessing to me and stirred some emotions in my heart I didn’t know where there.
Then, on May 17, 2010, my mom died suddenly. (I’m still convinced that the date coincides with the day you took a faithful leap is not a coincidence). I was lost and hurting. I stopped blogging for a while until I could get some emotions in check and help settle a few things that come along with a death in the family. I had also made several friends in town that I had grown close to and we had a pretty tightly knit relationship. Between returning to my blog and these friendships I have definitely been a survivor of losing my mom.
Over the past year, we have lost almost all of our close local friends. Divorce, new jobs, and unhealthy relationships has literally stripped us of our friendship base and I feel like we are back at square one. We are suddenly the new kids in second grade again and everyone is laughing at our curly hair and knee socks.
I have turned to blogging again and sharing my world on here and have found friends. I have found soul mates. I have found kindred spirits. I have found mentors. But nothing will ever match sitting next to your best friend and giggling at a joke together – that sort if intimate closeness with a friend can never be found through the internet. Of all the things you can google – that is one thing you will never get results on.
You must also remember that no matter how hard you look, where you concentrate your interests or how much you reach out to people, God does work on His schedule regardless of what timeline we expect. Continue to trust in him and reach out to your local community (which you are really good at) and the friendships will develop. The giggly girl talk will be back. It might take a few years to form that solid of a relationship (think of how long you knew your friends before you moved!) but God intended us to be communal people, fellowship with each other and helping each other grow.
Know you are not alone and that there is at least one person struggling with the same things you are struggling with. I will be praying for you and appreciate your offer to pray for me. God can truly do miraculous things through prayer! xoxo
do you know how hard i cried once i finished reading your comment?
may 17th, 2010 has an incredibly new + beautiful meaning… praying for you skye. praying praying :)
Oh my heart, can I relate. {and i wish I couldn’t…} I love you, Friend, and I’m praying for YOU during this time. I’m certain that God is working on our hearts for a reason and for His glory. I’m cheering you on over the internet, although I wish it was in person. <3 <3 <3 <3
Oh wow. Feeling so many of the same things right now. Nearly 7 years ago we packed up and left Texas to come to Michigan. I left my family, friends, support system, home… I very much regret it. Lately I’ve been feeling more lost here than ever and so wishing we had the ability to move back. I have the hardest time picturing us long term here but haven’t the slightest idea how to turn the ship around – inertia is such a powerful thing. I keep waiting to feel like myself again, even if it’s a new self I just want to be comfortable in where we’re going.
Man, that felt really good to write. I will be thinking of you and hoping you find some clarity in your journey.
i’m so glad you shared your heart… xoxo
I get what you are saying. I really do. Friendships, true friendships not just acquaintances, are hard for me to make. I try to put myself out there but find myself holding back the parts that I don’t think they’d like or would expect from me. Aside from the friendship area though my biggie is contentment. I struggle to be happy with what I have. I want a bigger house, a second car (being a single vehicle family is tough at times), another child, to take my son on playdates with his peers, etc. I crave community but so often feel alone {husband/son not included in that}.
So sweet Gussy, know that you are not alone. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
~Laura~
Thank you for such honest sharing Maggie.It helps us to know how to pray for you. We moved away from my closest friends to California almost 8 whole years ago, and I still feel some of the same things you’re talking about. Deep relationships aren’t very common here, so it’s been really lonely in that way. I have some friends, but not the gut-sharing type I left and can’t wait to see in a week and a half! I also have a hard time with the always sunny, no seasons thing. An Oregon girl doesn’t want sun every day! Oh yeah, some church issues too. It’s a lot to deal with, so I completely understand what you’re talking about. I’ll be praying for you.
tiffanie, this means so much :) thank you!!!
Alli Worthington mentioned on Instagram something about having Post Blissdom Depression. Ummmm Yes. I can 100% agree with you. It’s hard to believe you’d ever feel lonely, but I do get it. When i got back home i felt like i was in a funk, not sure where to start, and a little overwhelmed and a LOT inadequate.
Thank you for being so open. Praying this passes from you, and from reading your blog for 2+ years I am willing to bet it won’t last long ;) You will bounce back – stronger than ever. I so hope you find some amazing gals to hang out with in Minneapolis. Wish we all had our own private jets! Most of my closest friends are across the country… or in Australia. Boo!
Lots of love xx
you’ve been reading for 2+ years????????? that is incredible :)
PS. L O V E D meeting you and i wish we had a few extra days to just sit and chat. it’s really so encouraging to read your comment and know you have faith in me… i suppose i should take after you and lift my chin up. xoxo
i’ve been feeling so many of these exact same feelings lately and just can’t seem to shake ’em either. hang in there. maybe it’s {partly} our weather {i’m in st. paul}? hoping things bounce back a bit for you. i’ll take a second right now and pray that they do.
blessings,
shana
i think it’s more than the weather, although the clouds are TOTALLY not helping :) i’m so glad you commented. you are so sweet to pray, thank you! xoxo
Boy – you are not alone in this one. My husband and I have had long conversations about most of the things on your blog. I’ll say at dinner, “So let’s talk about Gussy’s blog today”. :-) We moved from California to Oregon just about 5 years ago and I’ve had a really hard time making friends – and I’ve actually said – I feel inadequate at this. I worked at a large corporation for 18 years and built up close friendships with the women around me. There was always something going on – scrapbook parties – softball games – some activity that kept me active with my friends. I’ve also had the same two best friends since 6th grade – yep – that’s 31 years – and I left them behind too. Which just broke my heart. My husband has a wonderful business here and we struggle with moving back because I miss my family and my friends so much. It’s so hard sometimes.
We’ve just started talking about going back to church which I think is a wonderful idea and will help us (me) a ton. It’s something I’m looking forward to.
On the business side: I was just saying – I feel behind and feel like everyone is passing me by with better ideas, a better blog, a better website and so on. Oh – I exhaust myself sometimes. But I have to let you know – you are a wonderful inspiration and you are helping me so much – much more than you know. :-) Thanks for another great post.
nu uh! …you do not say that to your man :)
ya know, it really was hard for me to publish this post. i worried that the root of the issue wouldn’t be seen — that the focus would be on something else. but it’s been super comforting all day to see so many women comment that they understand me :) makes me feel not as alone.
i have a funny story about trying to find a bible study at the church we’ve been going to. i got some really interesting info back and it just made me giggle… like the lord was trying to tell me to not take life so seriously :)
so anyway, i’m so glad you commented. my favorite quote: “inspiration is all around you.” xoxoxo
I feel EXACTLY the same way and we moved from Illinois to Idaho over 8 years ago. I will admit I have made more IRL friends in recent years, but I’m an online techie. I like to blog, Facebook and I know what an RSS is. :) Most of my IRL friends just don’t ‘get’ me because I like online things so much. I’ve never made it to any blog conferences, but they look like fun. I think I would just feel more out of place with my IRL friends after coming back.
It’s nice to read about others dealing with the same thing, makes me feel like I’m not alone.
Yes. Yes. And YES. I left my friends, family, and life in the Midwest 10 years ago when I married my husband. I’m very fulfilled by my marriage and our family, but in that 10 years, I’ve made ZERO personal friends that are close. And we struggle with finding a church home as well. Sometimes it’s VERY HARD. And I agree. I feel like I don’t fit in here, where women carry Coach purses and wear designer clothing. I’m still struggling to find a solution as well. You’re definitely not alone.
Hi, love. I know this has been an ongoing struggle for you here and I’m sorry. I, for one, am far from offended. Although I adore you, I know I can’t give you what you want/need in your deepest friendships. A big part of it is life stage. I think the mid-20s are such a hard time for friendships – you outgrow many due to life circumstances and as everyone’s establishing their careers…relationships…place in the world. Everyone is being tugged in different directions, so it’s difficult to form friendships that are as constant and intimate as they were in earlier years. And that feels disappointing, I remember. You also have the added difficulty of working from home, which can feel quite isolating. I don’t have any great solutions, but urge you to be gentle with yourself and literally start making a list of the traits you’re looking for (and not looking for) in friends. This has been hugely helpful to me in the past; it helps you recognize those people when they appear in your life, vs. inviting anybody into your circle and being disappointed when they don’t feel right. I am wrapping you up in light and looking forward to whenever our next coffee date is. ;o)
seriously, WHEWWWWWWW!
i have been sitting on the post inside my head for months, biting my nails with worry that it would be read the wrong way and i’d hurt someone’s feelings. i think you said it perfectly… “a big part of it is life stage.” a- to the -men! that’s exactly it. it’s a season… a long season :) hehe! thank you for your comment + friendship! i hope you know i cherish you… you are a wonderful friend + mentor and we need to see each other soon. i’ll email you now :)
as a people person, i feel lonely quite often when i’m not “getting needs met” by friends. what i’m learning is that God is and can be my “go-to guy” FIRST, before friends. and, that he has certain people in my life for such a time as this. friends are wonderful, but maintaining friendships at the level i wish i could, is hard for me as i juggle staying home with young kids, my blog, and my business.
what i finally did was just ask God to “plop” someone in my life who could help fulfill (in the limited way a human can, at least) my friend needs. for instance i like face-to-face time with friends…lo and behold God gave me the perfect friend to share this season of my life with. she is kindof “needy”, like me, so it works great. and she’s seen me naked to spray tan me! ha. that’s true sisterhood.
you have a friend in me; i wish i wasn’t all the way in kansas.
hugs and prayers. thank you for your honesty. oftentimes things look all hunky-dory for successful people, but deep down we all have precious hearts and emotions that need to be harnessed in a healthy way.
xo
“precious hearts and emotions” — so glad you understand… xoxo (hugs)
Hi Gussy,
Love your post! I’m a friend of Angie’s. Actually think we briefly met last year at Cantina Laredo. Heard you visited Cross Point with Angie. Hope you enjoyed your visit… I’m married to Pete so when I say I hope you enjoyed it I really mean it! :)
Hope our paths cross next time you visit Nashville. Have a great evening. Thank you for your honesty. Loneliness is something I’ve definitely battled in the past being the pastor’s wife… loved by many but known by few. Praying God speaks to your heart and guides you as you grow closer to Him.
We definitely understand each other… Loved by many, known by few. You said it perfectly.
Next time I visit we should have dinner with Ang… I hear you’re wonderful :)
Thanks for your comment… Truly :)
I think it’s inherent to a lot of women. At least it is to me. Married my best friend two years ago after dating for 10 months and moved an hour plus across the city. Which sounds like nothing, but it’s huge in the city (Pittsburgh, PA) where I live. There are distinctly the east/south/west/north sections of the city and people don’t cross the city to go to another side. Like ever. It’s like I moved 10 hours away. The summer I got married, my best friend moved to CA, my other best friend moved back home to MO, my last best friend got a teaching job which makes her house 1.5 hours from me and my mom moved to KY. We have a church here, but I struggle with feeling at home there, or like I fit in, or like I belong. Or all of that. Everyone is SO nice, but it’s a small church and they’ve all been together for the last 20 years. Sigh. I feel socially awkward most of the time and it’s super hard to make new friends. Add to that the stress of being newly married and now newly pregnant and it’s easy to struggle and feel lonely. You’re not alone. My husband often says, “Go out and see some friends!” To that I say, “And who am I going out to see?” lol. He just smiles, but it’s hard. I miss the group of girlfriends that would go to coffee at the drop of a hat or come over for pancakes in our PJ’s or watch movies together. I’m 27 and I, too, feel like it’s just the season. I know God has a plan and some great friends for me, I’m just waiting and trying to talk to people more often so I have a chance to meet them! :)
Wow, so it’s not just me. I get this post, truly I do.
Hi Gussy! I stumbled on your blog and this post took me by surprise because it’s so where I’ve been since my husband and I moved–EIGHT years ago! Same stuff with church, same stuff with friends. Wondering, like, IS IT ME?!?! Geez. :) You said it perfectly. I tell my hubby often (and he agrees) that where we are feels like a wasteland.
But God has not allowed us to leave. BELIEVE ME we have tried! :) But here He has us….and I truly just have to trust that. And I choose to believe that the people around me (tho not the warm, close besties I ache for) are the people I am supposed to be with right now, (maybe not for ME. But for THEM.) I work hard at being a friendship builder, because no one else really is. It’s not easy. But I try and make the best of it. And because I’ve done that, if God ever lets us leave…I will miss the people I’ve met and the experiences I’ve had (I think!) :)
(sorry bout that last post…typing while feeding baby is not always successfully done)
Welcome to Minnesota!! I can’t wait to read more of your blog/story, and living in Minnesota myself I am always up for a new friend/coffee date :-)
Praying for you!
I completely know what you mean. I am a stay at home mom to two beautiful and lovely little girls, and I am doing exactly what I want to do, but I feel alone a lot of the time too. We moved away from the big city into the burbs about a year ago, and though I am only about an hour away from most of my girlfriends, they either don’t have kids, work, or can’t get together with me when it’s convenient for both of us. It’s really hard. We have been meaning to find a new church too, which I really do think would help. Good luck to you and know that you are definitely not alone.
I feel the same way! I moved to Seattle almost 7 years ago after I got married ( my husband is from the area) and I don’t feel like I have any close friends . I miss my Oregon friends and my church . It was so hard to leave, I felt like things were going so well and then I moved and nothing is like I thought. I assumed that my husbands friends would be my friends and I feel like it is the opposite like they all go get lunch etc and they don’t invite me. I used to teach preschool but have done childcare since my daughter was born 4 years ago and have worked for a few families the last mom , e-mailed in Jan. and said she couldn’t pay so I am looking again for work and I just feel this year for some reason all the expenses are coming – my In laws decided that we should all go to Disneyland, My daughter will start preschool and I have no idea how we are going to do it all. I know God has a plan and there is a reason for everything sometimes it is just hard to wait to see what his plan holds for us.
I love all of your bags and have followed your blog for a year now, I will be praying for you.
Saying a prayer for your sweet heart tonight.
Kate
Oh you sweet girl, I love your heart. And I love that you shared your heart here. I feel lonely a lot. Like people don’t “get” me. Maybe it’s being a creative type; maybe it’s being an introvert; maybe it’s just being paranoid. Anyway, I know what you’re saying and I’m glad you said it. I think you probably made a whole lot of people not feel quite so alone today.
did i reply to this? i thought i did but i guess i did not… :) sweet shelly, your words mean so much to me. and that last sentence: once i read it my heart opened up a little bit more and i felt a lot of peace. i’m so thankful you took a minute to leave a comment. means so so so so much to me :)
You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers! Everyone goes through rough patches of insecurity and loneliness… Some longer than others. Wish I lived near you so I could cheer you up! :)
I do feel lonely. When I married my military man, I knew we would move around alot, but I didn’t realize how hard it would be to leave dear friends and family behind. It’s hard being in a season right now where I don’t have friendships quite as close as I had in the past. Just the same, I know we are exactly where God wants us to be, which is a pretty amazing thing.
Minus Blissdom, I could have written this entry almost word for word. My husband and I moved to Minneapolis 5 years ago for job opportunities ourselves. Like you, I never really feel like I fit in…like this is home. Not sure if this is my fault, or if bing a transplant in Minneapolis is just hard. Regardless, please know that you’re not alone!!!
Our little family is about to move from Dallas to Kansas City and I am processing too…(scared) of the loneliness, and in fear that it won’t ever feel like ‘home’ quite like it does here. Even though your post could/should have scared me, it gave me comfort. God might just make my worst fears come true, but then I suppose He’s just got something different in store for me in Kansas City. I am guessing He’s working IN you in Mpls in order to work THROUGH you in the future. Hope you can find peace in this time of uncertainty…..
Megan
I know how you feel. I too, wish for more friends here in my city. But since my divorce, I haven’t found many women with whom I can connect. I love indie business, yoga, outdoor sports and God. I feel like I am left out a lot because I am older than most women who share the same interests. Keep reaching out, and I’m sure that you will find more friends close to home. Namaste!
You are NOT alone.
You are brave for sharing your heart.
One thing about blog world I love is the opportunity for people to be real and honest. I love when bloggers post the rambly, non-sensical posts that are all heart. Good reminder we are all on a sanctification journey.
One thing about blog world I hate is comparison. You didn’t say anything about that but I can imagine that comparison sneaks it’s (Satan, duh) ugly head in post a conference like Blissdom because you don’t have that community at home.
Sigh.
God never said our journey would be easy.
I’ve been in a pit for a while now and finally shared with some dear kindreds last week. They were/are so encouraging. I’m lonely, live in fear, feel forgotten by God sometimes, feel friendless (I laugh at my over 1000 Facebook friends and they are really people I know in real life!), cry, choose to believe truth over lies, choose to be honest wtih friends (most of whom are really far away), choose to pursue community even though it is so much work to find true friends and not fluffy/surface ones, choose to run to Christ and not little quick idols.
I’m so not trying to fix where you are. Being real with the Lord about where you are is crucial. Gracious, look at all of David’s gut level honest prayers in the Psalms. They give me so much comfort that I’m not alone.
I’m rambling.
Thank you for being brave and honest.
Oh, I am so sorry you are going through this. My husband and I have been married twenty years and we have moved sixteen times (most were job related, we are not running from the law!). The furthest was 14 hours from “home”. I don’t know if I will help or not, but it takes so much time to feel at home. Finding a church you feel right with is a huge part of this process, but even then it has seemed to take a year or so before we feel like its starting to be family. Sometimes we have moved before this really ever happened. I have felt lonely and out of sorts more time than not. I say all this to say that I am getting old enough now to look back and find the blessings and lessons learned from every place we have lived. I know it’s cliche, but you really will be able to make sense of this some day. We don’t know Gods plan for our life, but sometimes we can look back and see snippets of how He has worked things for good, just as he promises. This has given me so much more hope now. Also, a book I just found after our last move is called “After the Boxes Are Unpacked”. You should check it out. The author also has a blog and newsletter that are wonderful. She is so encouraging! Hang in there! Things always get better, I promise!!
I love this post to no end! I feel like moving can absolutely give one a sense of isolation and loneliness, which can dwell deep in our souls. And sometimes those seasons of feeling alone can seem to go on for a very long time. But I love that you also gave a voice to the words that live in the hearts’ of so, so, so many women who weren’t quite brave enough to speak them out. And furthermore, you gave all of us permission to whisper back, “I’m right there with you”. There is nothing more comforting in knowing that we are not alone. Satan wants nothing more than for us to live in utter isolation and true community gives him absolutely no foothold. Not only that, I feel like you gave a voice to the 13 year old who eats lunch alone at school. To the single girl who longs to be married. To the empty nesters who miss their children dearly. Thanks for stepping out in bravery so that the rest of us can do the same!
dear gus gus, I totally relate. I struggle with loneliness, is seems like, all the time. I know that God is all i need… I know. i’d LOVE to be prayed for by you. In turn I promise to lift you up and pray for you to be surrounded with sweet, sweet peace.
i told zack last night that i’m feeling the lord speak to me — he’s saying i need to spend some quiet time reading things that will lift me up, devotions and inspiring books. many friends have become published authors over the last couple of years and the fact that my bookshelf has a little spot for their bound words is no coincidence :) right???! we are all here to encourage each other {just like what your comment is doing.} i feel there was a time where i’d relate quietness to even more loneliness, but i don’t feel like that right now. it’s such a great feeling! xoxoxo
I read, I thought, I prayed… I feel the need to say something, but what? I know, that you know, there is a reason for this time. That God has a perfect plan for you and He is waiting for the perfect timing to show you exactly what that plan is. I know, that you know, He will work this for your good, that one day (hopefully soon) you will look back and say “Thank you Lord for that time in my life.” You inspire many, but right now you need to be inspired… let God be the inspiration you are seeking, listen to His whispering, draw close to Him; I have no doubt that He will fill this desire of your pretty, ruffly heart.
With prayers from Northern Michigan ;)
oh you sneaky girl… :) thank you for blessing me with your words. now where is a tissue????
I totally get it. I don’t go to church and haven’t in years. I have absolutely NOTHING against people who do, in fact, I used to go to church a LOT. Lately I’ve been wondering if I’d feel less empty/frustrated/out of control if I did. (And as someone who DOES go to church, I’m sure you’d agree!)
But I think whether you include “the church part” or not (if you knwo what I mean) many of us feel this way.
I lived in Melbourne (I”m Australian) for about 3 years ten years ago. Met my husband, we moved back to my hometown Perth (opposite side of Australia) and we got married, had 2 little girls in the 6 years I was there. I hated every moment of living in that city. I felt claustrophobic, like I was drowning (and being held down). We finally, after a whole lot of family drama that left me broken hearted, untrusting and hurt (thanks to a family member betraying us terribly), ended up living in the same city as my entire family (aunts, uncles, cousins, the LOT), but never seeing any of them because we were so hurt.
We recently (about 4 months ago) finally moved back to melbourne. Its been a dream of mine for the 6 years.
But now we’re here, I’ve had to leave my best friend, my children dont get to see their grandparents, its hard. Its so heartbreaking that the dream we had for being ‘left alone’ to live our lives as WE saw fit; enjoying the city we were living in, instead of hating it; seems just as far away as it was before.
I miss my best friend more than I could ever articulate. I haven’t had a friend in years (not a REAL knows everything about me/makes time in their life to regularly see me type of friend). YEARS. Like, since high school. And I miss her. I miss knkowing I’ll see her every Tuesday. I miss having dinner with her and her husband. I miss my children getting to know them. Its so hard.
And despite the fact that I dont go to church, I find myself praying that it will get easier.
I pray it gets easier for you too :)
xx
i think if my mama could grab me by the shoulders and say, “GIRL, GET YOUR SELF TO CHURCH!” she totally would :) she lives 10 hours away, but sometimes i can hear that same thing in her voice when we talk.
it’s the community part of church that i miss the most. i definitely feel the lord talking to us, answering our prayers (most of the time i feel that, hehe) but going to church helps me to feel a little more normal. seeing other girls my age and walking through life together is what i miss the most about church.
thank you so much for commenting… you’re brave and i appreciate you :)
Maggie!! Thank you so much for sharing this. For sharing your heart.
Even though I can’t relate to being physically removed from family and friends I can relate in another way. Being a mother of 2 young ones that works full time and is trying to pursue my craft business, it is hard to keep friends around that understand my crazy schedule. I found myself isolating…I felt like I wasnt a good friend and it started to really weigh on me. I realized that I was spedning more time on blogging and social media than I invested into the real friends that coud come over and chat. One day the light bulb went on. I was lonely! I was investing my heart into a place that doesnt know me, that can’t reach out and give me a hug, that doesnt understand my personality. I am learning to unplug more. I am learning to invest more time in my family…in my friends. Loneliness is tough. And I am sorry that you feel like this…just know that this too shall pass. He has a plan and there is always a reason, we just may not know it at the time.
I have been a long time reader and I just have to say that I admire your Faith….your Strength…and most importantly the Goodness in your Heart!
Keep your head up – things will get better!
Court
Thank you for sharing this. I have been feeling very similarly lately (actually for a while now). After I graduated high school, my best friends and I all went down separate paths and just grew apart. In the few years since then, I haven’t had that close circle of support and friendship. I feel like I don’t even know how to build those kinds of friendships anymore. As you said, I feel inadequate. I do think it is a season, as all things are in life. I try to remember that even though I feel lonely at times, I am getting to know myself better, and that this too shall pass. Sending you love and good thoughts!
I’m reading Anonymous: Jesus’ Hidden Years … and Yours by Alicia Britt Chole and your writing reminded me of it. I think that blook will bless you.
As adults, I don’t think we realize how hard it is to move and make new friends until we actually do it. Invite women over from church. Find out if you can be involved in any ministry groups. You are at home- and although you have a business to run, give yourself a day and surround yourself with women. You will eventually have close friends again.
[…] so easy to connect online through various forms of social media, instead of face-to-face, there are obviously so many women who feel inadequate or friendless… and i’m definitely including myself in that group. […]
Beautiful post Maggie! Thank you for sharing your heart!! I can understand on so many levels where you are at right now! My husband and I moved to MN (Marshall) about 9 months ago. He came 8 months prior to that for a new job. New opportunities etc…we felt God leading us here. My job was approved to go with me and I was able to work from my home. We found a wonderful home in a great neighborhood….and then in January my job was “outsourced” and in Feb my husband was also unemployed. We go from having too much really to having nothing. It is a scary place to be. I questioned God and His plan, why He would bring us here for this etc…
I finally found a job for myself last week and while the pay doesn’t even come close to what I had, it is a WONDERFUL place to work and I am so far really loving it. A blessing for sure. My husband is now starting his own business….so we are in that planning, preparing phase. Writing a business plan etc….all with no income coming in. But we feel again that God brought us to this place and he has to at least try it on his own. So even though we have no idea when the first client will come, or how we will make it until they do…we have seen little bits of God grace spronkled throughout this time and again we are grateful.
Doesn’t mean we aren’t scared…and sometimes sleep doesn’t come easy and it is in those times that i just pray for peace and that God would handle the tomorrows that I don’t have control over!!
Marshall isn’t too far from the “appolis”…and I have been wanting a reason to spend a day wandering through Ikea!! :) What do you say?! :)
Praying for you during your “season”!!
i think you should let me know when you’re in town!!!! email me!!! :) gussyATgussysewsDOTcom xoxoox
Know that you are not alone. We moved 13 times before I graduated from high school. I went to 8 different schools. After I graduated and moved out (exactly 24 hours after my graduation) – i didn’t know anything but moving, so that’s what I did. Throw a dart on a map and move. Seriously. I have lived in more places than I can count, or remember. I have had drivers licenses in 6 different states. then I met my husband and sort of settled down. we moved to our present home, which we BOUGHT, almost a year to the day ago. The idea of “owning” a home and being settled is so weird to me. WE have been in the community here for 3 years (2 other rental homes) and I still don’t know how to integrate. Making friends is something I never learned how to do because we always moved away and it was just easier to not make them because you knew you would have to leave them. Now, I am almost 42, and besides my husband, I have no friends. I don’t know how to make them. So, I immerse myself in blogs (like yours) and let them become my “friends”. I live in MN too, just about an hour north of the cities. I actually have met you, at the terrarium class. You are such a sweet person and seem really outgoing and friendly. I think it’s natural to go through phases of self-doubt. It’s hard to fit in to a new community and I think it gets harder as you get older. People seem to already have all the friends they want. You are so young still, if you can find community events or clubs to join that would be my suggestion to you on how to meet people. Hang in there.
I read this post yesterday, very quickly because the kids were all up in my biz, and wanted to comment then. But I didn’t. I had to think through my response and re-read your post again this morning and now respond. :)
These are my totally honest thoughts and a long comment alert: I first read this and thought, “Huh?! Maggie?” I swear. Although, I know all too well about lonely feelings and nobody knowing except for your husband. We dealt with that for years before I found a church family and had children. (Not in that order.) The years you are in are HARD. My mid-20s were the loneliest years of my entire life. It’s the time between finishing college and most likely having children. All of the friends I have now are because of my kids. No lie. And praise the Lord for them or else I would have gone nuts by now. (Even though I kind of did for awhile.)
The reason I was so surprised is because I just saw you last week! Surrounding by amazing women. Women that I so desperately wanted to and had planned on meeting. And to be honest, I was envious of you. And I hate feeling that way. I wanted to talk to you, but you were the only person I knew at the conference and I didn’t want to be the tagalong. So, I ventured off to meet people on my own. Every time I saw you, I thought: “Oh wow. I would love to be hanging out with that group. They are my people. Design. Creative. Crafty.” But again, I didn’t want to be a follower. You’ve got your own thing going on with tons of amazing friends & deep connections that I don’t have with these people.
Or so I thought. ;) Isn’t it amazing how deceiving perceptions can be? I’m have no doubt you had a fabulous time with all of those amazing friends/bloggers, but they also don’t live in your town. And I get that.
So, the lesson for me is twofold. 1) Not everyone walking around is blissfully happy in their life just because they seem like it or look like it. 2) I’m not the only one portraying a false impression without meaning to. It just happens.
Everyone talked about Jeff Goins and his session on writing something that you’re afraid to write. I’m working on braving a post on my depression over the last couple of years and how the loneliness plays a part in it. I’m scared to write it because so many of my friends here locally have no idea and might be hurt. I really don’t know. I’m glad you wrote this because it gives me courage to step out and do it because I’m not embarrassed about it. Just cautious.
I wish we were closer. My Maggie and Maddox would love you. Chad would think you were cool. (which is an entirely different topic on trying to find “couple” friends that you both want to hang out with. Whew. A tough one.)
Prayers for you for sure, because I’ve been exactly where you are now. (There is a light at the end of this. Promise.) :) xoxo
WHY DID I READ YOUR COMMENT AT A COFFEE SHOP???
and why aren’t there tissues at this table???
and why DIDN’T we get to hug and chat and try to catch up at blissdom???
ughhhhh… :)
* * *
i’m learning perceptions are deceiving, too. most of the time it seems like everyone can see what i’m going through, when really i know they can’t. but the hurt is so deep it seems like it’s written all over my face like it’s written all over my heart.
blog conferences are HARD! they take months to emotionally prepare for and are finished within just a few days. mmhmmmm. last week at blissdom i was processing a lot. the entire weekend was hard and i felt like i snuck away multiple times a day because i was feeling so frustrated and inadequate and insecure. can you believe that??? only a few people knew i was being challenged that way. i feel so much love from so many but i wish to be known by just a few here locally.
angie smith is trying to get us to move to nashville ;) i know the likelihood of it happening is mega slim, but there are definitely people there that i’d love to have more of in my life, including you and your cute family!!!! a few times, while reading your comment, i laughed out loud. so i forgive you for making me cry at first :) you’ve blessed me today… ♥
I have trying to figure this stuff out myself these days. Mostly I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s my self esteem in the gutter that makes me feel this way. I also have no friends in this small town of people that are so nice. I thought I had some but when no one ever calls or comes to visit, you realize that they are people that are there when they need you and gone when they don’t.
I always feel that let down after enjoying a group of nice people because I come home and feel alone again. Its sad I think, I know I’m a good friend but then again, maybe I’m not. :-( I started working on it on another group I’m in- were talking about self esteem now. I’m hoping to find some answers for myself.
someone needs to start a “friends anonymous” club :) i’ll be the first to sign up and then we can all forget about the silly fears we have (like how we’re not a good friend, because i think that too) and instead focus on the gifts we have to share with others. because we ALL have gifts… i’m learning they have just been buried a little bit :)
It’s nice to realize I’m not alone in feeling my loneliness. I’m happy that I have many wonderful girlfriends, but they are all single friends. My friend at work, my friend from the gym, my friend from school. I don’t have a “group of girlfriends” and it is breaking my heart. I want to go out “with the girls.” I tried to get a new group of girlfriends started the past couple of months – all of our kids are in Scouts together and the dads are all friends. We’ve had a few girls nights that I’ve organized and we have a good time, but there is no interaction in between the girls nights I’ve planned and I’m the only one planning them. Now I’m starting to feel like if I never planned another girls night that they would be fine with it. Sigh, it’s so hard to being a grown up sometimes.
oh stephanie… after reading through the comments left on this post i’m learning that many, many, many women are lonely. it just takes some prodding to get them to open up. i wonder, what if that’s what your friends need, too? maybe they need you to fight for them? maybe they doubt they are a good enough friend? maybe your calling right now is to be a friend leader, to get everyone together?
i’ve been thinking about this video often — have you seen it? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=4RZkR3_wiOM — hearing stephanie’s story about how was determined to become friends with someone and how this girl finally told her, “you’re one of my really good friends.” stephanie asked her, “what changed?” and she replied, “you didn’t give up.”
OH the tears.
don’t give up… not yet :)
xoxoxo (praying for you!!!)
Watched it! Loved it! Saw you! Loved you laughing with Sara Sophia. :) Would love to participate and bummed that my in-laws are coming to visit that day it starts. Wa wa waaaa. Haha!
Oh Gussy! I can so relate! I grew up in Chicago and lived there until I was 25. Then moved to NYC for a while and now living in a small town of 1500 people in Arkansas! Yes I said ARKANSAS! I got involved in a great church and made many friends there, then moved to the small town when I married my husband. IT’s so hard meeting new friends especially when you feel a world away from where you began. It’s not that I’m not happy here, BUT…..I’m not happy here. I totally understand where you are at. Find yourself and your happiness from God. He cares so much about you. Dive into that new church and get serious. Pray about this situation as if your life depends on it. I’ve been reading and following your blog for over a year. You’ve come a long way girl and I know God’s got you under His wing. We all go thru funky times in our life. You will get thru this. :)
Love, Rachel
Maggie, I appreciate your bold vulnerability here. I’ve been in Nashville almost two years now and I’m still rebuilding my core group of friends. I had an upper edge with my best friend living here already and knowing a few of her friends but we’re in different seasons of our lives and I knew it would be important to have friends of my own making. I had a few friends at work but since I took a leap of faith and left that job 7 months ago, those friendships have ebbed and flowed. And while I have a few other good friends, it’s not the same as what I had back in Illinois. It’s getting there but it’s a slow process. This time of transitioning to Nashville has forced me to depend more on God than I thought possible (though really that was a big part of why I chose to move in the first place) but those lonely days sneak up on me and I never know what to do. Though we haven’t met, I’m confident that good friends are waiting around the corner for you. It all takes time and sometimes a hefty dose of intentionality. I’ll be praying for you as you search for your Minneapolis-based community.
…you need to meet my friend amanda: http://www.magdarow.blogspot.com
she lives near nashville and she’s AMAZING! email her and tell her gussy sent you ♥
Look at you setting people up on friend dates! :) I just sent her an email. If you’re going to be at Allume Social, I owe you a hug. And if you’re not going to be there, then I truly hope our paths cross someday. I stopped by Opryland for an hour and a half to see people during Blissdom and I was so mad that I didn’t have time to see more- including you.
yessssss, and guess what?? I’M A SPEAKER :) yay!!!!!!
Sigh… its so nice when someone else writes whats on my heart and I don’t feel so alone.
I feel like since graduating college, getting married, and having a baby my friendships have really come to a standstill. My girlfriends from college are still my best friends, but we’re at different places – spread out and life is different for each of us. I miss them and what we had in college. It was easy then because it was what we knew.
Now, to me, it doesn’t feel so easy…being friends with them or even making new friends. I am lonely when it comes to not having girlfriends and so often I feel like its my fault. I don’t reach out enough or try hard enough, but its hard for me.
Thanks for sharing your heart!
hi Gussy! I’m here via Lisa Leonard’s blog. You blog looks amazing and I’m excited to read more. :)
I will pray for you – thank you for sharing your heart. I feel *so* much the same way. We’ve lived in our city for 2.5 years and love it here, but I still haven’t connected with other women that I really click with. I’m so shy with making new friends, and I have told myself over and over and over, that God will provide the right friend at the right time. This brings me great comfort.
Thank you for your faith and honesty. I have been looking for a blog that truley expresses ALL that I experience..not just the beautiful things. Found your website mentioned on another website, and the first thing I saw was “The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still.” Wow!!!! As I read your blog, I was struck by your honesty and faith.
I have been living in a state that is 3,000 miles from my family and friends. God has me here for a reason, but it’s still hard and lonely.
Thank you.
that bible verse… it really is one of my favorites.
i’m so glad you clicked over here + took a minute to comment :) so so glad. xoxo
Oh friend. I am sorry you feel this way…run to Jesus and ask Him those questions because even though I love you I can’t answer them. Praying!
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. That was very brave.
Now, I will share a little with you. On Thursday, January 24, 2012, 4 years and 8 months to the day when I stopped cutting, I did it again. My first mistake in over 4.5 years. I felt so alone and just wanted the pain I was feeling to stop. I wanted to feel something other than what was going on inside of me. I’ve blogged about it.
Again, thank you so much for sharing.
oh heather… you are so brave to share this… praying exodus 14:14 over you: “the lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.”
praying right now.
hi gussy! you don’t know me, but i know of you through lisa leonard. since you invited feedback, i’m going to share some of my experiences with loneliness, particularly after moving. i’m 45 and a half and we moved 5 years ago.
i lived in the same town for 15 years after college. i lived in the same house for 14 of those years, and shared the same group of friends for that entire time. we had our only child in that town, and so much of how i defined who i was was defined by my experiences during those years.
then we moved. we followed God’s leading, leaving all our friends, our stability, the only home our family had known, and our families, and moved 900 miles SOUTH to georgia. while we found a church immediately and plugged in right away, i struggled mightily for 4 years to put down roots here.
why did i struggle so? i kept longing for what had been and for those i’d left behind. after 4 years of this, i began 2011 by memorizing isaiah 43:18-19 from The Message: “forget what’s happened. don’t keep going over old history. be alert, be present. I am about to do something brand new. it’s bursting forth–don’t you see it?” by clinging to and working to maintain long-distance relationships, i was continually looking backwards. sure, i met new people here and liked many of them, but i didn’t allow myself to really invest in those relationships for fear of losing what i had with those i had such history with. and you know what? those friends i left behind? they moved on. they weren’t able to put forth the effort to maintain the depth of relationship with me that i was craving. that was a very painful realization. very.painful. but God finally helped me see it and began a work in me.
He helped me realize that i was craving depth of relationship FROM THE WRONG PEOPLE. instead of looking to OTHERS for my stability, i needed to walk toward the Only One Who knows me completely and intimately like i want to be known, and lean into Him. it was not easy, and there are still times i am pulled toward dancing with those memories. they cannot fulfill me or comfort me. only GOD can meet my needs…all of them.
people are busy and self-consumed. they don’t mean to be, but, regardless of life stage, they are. either it’s their careers or their kids or their kids’ activities that keep them from being able to invest in relationships. i’m not saying don’t pursue friendships. as you’ve found, there are lots of great people in the world. what i am saying is don’t look to those friendships to provide for you what they cannot.
you were VERY BRAVE and i applaud you for putting this on the table. i apologize if i’ve gone on too long. i’m just very passionate about this topic and want you not to spend as many decades as i did being in bondage to the whims of relationships when you can spend years in deep communion with your Savior. He is the friend who sticks closer than a brother.
you TOTALLY addressed an issue i’ve been noticing (in myself and others) — trying to find friendships/relationships in the wrong people. people that can’t offer what you want or need because of whatever reason. i’m so glad you took the time to share all of this — you are so wise and i’m looking forward to reflecting on this a bit more :)
i am not wise, as it took me YEARS to comprehend that this was what was going on in my life. but God, in HIS wisdom, revealed it to me when i was ready to hear it.
if you’d like to correspond more about this, i’m open: jenn@nahrstadt.com
Yes, I too feel like this. I’ve been loving and reading you for 2 years since you went to your first Blissdom. You’ve come a long way baby. LIke I’ve said a many a time and still say, You are a constant inspiration in this blog world. Your blog feeds my soul. Your realness, honest heart, and simple loving heart reach out to everyone.
But I too get in the let down during the year. I get to where I don’t know what I’m doing online or why I’m doing it. We must rely on Gods grace and love to fill us and provide other gracious women in our lives to fill our cup. He’s done that for you and you’re completely blessed! Much love to you girl! Can’t wait to hug you again soon. Hope we can spend some time together at all in April. xoxo
your comment means so much, totally touches my heart, and i’m going to take some time to dissect what you’ve shared, because you’re absolutely right :) — thank you so much for sharing this!!!
I could not relate to this post more. Quite literally my husband and I (mostly me) went through this exact experience. We’re 25 and in the last 2.5 years we’ve moved from our home state of Minnesota to Baton Rouge, LA then on to Santa Fe, NM. It is hard and not a lot of people have gone through it. I am here for you. I can offers support, ideas, suggestions, and a listening ear. I had a really hard time when we moved to Louisiana. I couldn’t fit in, I missed girl time, and I felt very lonely and isolated. My husband had to step in and help me to get through and we put practices in place to make sure I never felt that way again. If you want any suggestions or ideas I can definitely offer them. I’ve been there and I’m still working through it here in Santa Fe. You’ll get through it too.
hi katie :) i would seriously love to hear more about your experiences. if you have a minute, send me an email :) gussyATgussysews.com — xoxo
I am sitting at the computer wondering if you are reading my mind!! My husband and I recently moved from TN to TX with our 3 kiddos in tow. I have a picture beside my coffee pot of “my girls”. They were the women that I did life with. I still feel so new in this place and some days feel guilty about missing my TN life. I know that the Lord has us here for a reason and I want to dive into that head first but I just wonder why or what or how..you know all the good questions. Thank you for your honesty.
Saying a prayer for you right now,
Kelly
Oh my goodness, I am SO in the middle of some of the same feelings. We moved from Phoenix back to my home town outside Chicago in June, and I still feel like we haven’t really connected with anyone. We have lots of acquaintances, but still no social circle. We had such a solid group in Phoenix, and I’m missing them terribly. I know that God has friends for us here, and we’ll settle in eventually, but right now it just feels like we’re trying to worm our way into other peoples circles.
I love your insight about some seasons being for processing a lot. That is so true. Hard, but I think recognizing it is so important. When we don’t recognize the need for processing we get even more lost and feel even more alone. *hugs*