I’ve finished three days of this whole “mama to two babes 21-months-old and younger” and all I have to say is, “this is so hard.” Like, haaaard. Monday was one for the books, Tuesday was 50% easier, and Wednesday was something I hadn’t experienced yet. We’re all running on limited sleep with missed naps and off-schedules. Max is probably wondering who’s coming to visit next, and Natalie is still figuring things on this side of my tummy ;) Some hours are a piece of cake where as others leave me totally unsure how to do this parenthood thing. But! I know this is what I’ve been called to do. The younger version of me has always loved being a mama, but sometimes no matter how much “play” is had the only way to figure it out is to experience it first hand. Right? So that’s where I’m at. I spent some time re-arranging the nursery on Monday and it’s definitely been a good change for our family. But, I think what our family is lacking is some consistency — it’s been almost six weeks of inconsistent consistency. Today, all I have planned is a morning play date. And I have dreams of a nice, long afternoon nap.
Do you have kids close in age? I’d love so much for you to share with me how you make it all work.
These kiddos, they sure fill my heart to the brim.
My kids are 18 months apart. My advice…Set your expectations LOW! My goal for each day by myself the first month {or two!} was to get everyone dresses, fed, & keep us alive. That’s it! :) So when I got a load of laundry or dishes done, that was WINNING! :) Also, we’re in Iowa, so this was sometimes difficult with the colder weather, but my kids to SO much better outside! {we live in a condo, but parks and walks became my best friend!}. You got this mama! :)
If by “Dressed” you mean the diaper was on, then I’m with ya! I had three in a row, and clean diaper and full belly was the ONLY goal for the days that were hard, which was most of them. It DOES get better!
YES!!!!!
Do you have a fenced-in yard? Can you play tag in the snow? Anything to get the wiggles out ;)
I hear ya on setting expectations low. Our kids don’t remember the messes, only the fun times. XO
First off you are an AWESOME Mom!! :) I love reading your blog and have for a few years now. My kids now are 15,16, 20, and 21 so I very much understand having kids close in age and those early years. You can do this and take a deep breath (often ;) ) and take it one day one minute at a time. Rest your mind and soul when you can and let the little things go as often as you can. Your to do list will include more hugs, play times, rest times, laundry, laundry, laundry (heehee), but that is okay!! Put those on your list and check them off as you go. :) There is no better person for the job then YOU! Strength, hugs, and lots of encouragement sent your way. Know you are never alone. Blessings♥
Thank you so much Cindy! This is so so encouraging!
I have a 4 yr old (yesterday was his bday!), not-quite-2.5-yr old, and a 9-day old. We have been on our own (no family nearby and Daddy back to work 12ish hours a day) since Monday, and as weird as it sounds, I kind of prefer it like that. It helps me to be back in our routine, helps my “big” boys feel like things are normal, and I’m not stressed about hosting people (even if they’re here to help). Yesterday my entire to-do list was “Do laundry, do dishes, frost cupcakes.” While my messy house is driving me bonkers, I’m forcing myself to feel accomplished if I can get the bare necessities done each day…you KNOW this is just a stage, so do your best to give the babies some consistency and plug away each day. Before you know it, two babes will feel like the norm. For the record, my first two were 19 months apart and we kind of feel like it was easier than this bigger gap…
Indeed! I can’t believe how much easier it feels with Natalie 6 weeks old tgan it did at 1, 2, and 3 weeks old. Definitely stages and they’ll pass so quickly, really. Thanks for the fresh perspective.
Roll with the inconsistency. The days are often painfully similar while being totally unpredictable. My first 2 were 14 months apart and currently I’m home with my 8, 7, and 5 year old boys, and my 21 month and 2 week old daughters. My only advice to find a system for you that works and don’t worry about what everyone says you are “supposed to be doing.” When I was home with the first 2, I would lay the older one down for a nap whenever the baby fell asleep remotely close to his nap time. It may have meant a shorter nap or an earlier bed time, but if I could have 30 minutes to brush my teeth and comb my hair it would make all the difference in how I would feel at the end of the day. I look back on those days of just the 3 of us at home and miss out simple it was. It was definitely hard, but there is something about those days when all they need is momma that are so special. You’re doing great, Momma! Wish I could buy you a cup of coffee.
Oh, I wish that too! I imagine we’d have a lot to chat about :) enjoy your babies!
My girls are 1 minute apart :) For us is make a list of five things each day and rank them with what’s important as #1. I’m not going to lie, 99.9% of the time shower is #1 for me because mama just needs a minute. Routine is key at our house. Try to eat, play and nap around the same times each day this also includes walks and other outings like play dates. It gives a kind of structure to the day and I found they handle the day much better this way. It’s going to take awhile to adjust but you’ve got this. Like another mama said, some days you’ll find it easier to not have help simply because it’s one less body to keep everyone on track (except awesome daddy’s). Keep up the great work!
Ha! Yes dear friend, I can understand your #1. If there’s anything I’ve done every day since Natalie was born it’s shower :) and I think everyone has appreciated that!
I don’t have kids… BUT I emailed this post to my mother, who at one point had a four-year-old, a not-quite-two-year-old, and an infant and is a fount of wisdom :) I imagine she’ll make her way over and offer some guidance.
So sweet of you!
We have 2 boys 17 months apart and while I wanted them to be flexible and able to go places when I wanted, etc. I found that they really needed a schedule. Get them on the same nap schedule and your days will seem so much better! Don’t set your expectations that every day will be great with a 3 hour nap for both of them but on the days it happens and you are able to nap or get the house cleaned it’s a big win!
Our oldest just turned 4 yesterday and the youngest is 2 and I still wonder how I made it through those baby days! Toddler days are a whole separate thing :-)
Congratulations! Our three kids are 26 and 23 months apart. It took about 6 months to feel really settled after #2 and about 3 months # 3, believe it or not. By then we were great at multitasking so the move to zone defense was not too bad. They are now 24, 22, and 20. When they were little it was a combination of predictable rhythms and flexibility that kept us all sane. We also learned that we could do without the TV all day and they behaved better, played more and were over all in better moods. (Then movies really were magical when I needed a break.) The best advice I got was to limit laundry to one day per week…except for emergencies and then be generous in how you define emergency. The second best advice is to let yourself NOT play the stuff with them that you really don’t enjoy. Kids know if you’re having fun; they just want your time so if they want you to play with them suggest something that you enjoy. I also didn’t try to do too much aMAZing, magical mom stuff. Ordinary days with ordinary kids and insert aMAZIng activity from time to time. We had great days and the kids enjoyed each other. And find a regular gathering of other moms so you can feed yourself as well. It gets easier literally everyday and the next thing you know, you are flying from Minneapolis to Maine to see your baby in a play!
Would you believe we don’t own a TV? It’s been years…! And mostly it’s not missed. Thank you for your comment, you’ve got a lot of wisdom.
first of all, you’re doing AWESOME. you look beautiful. and you are the PERFECT mom for those 2 sweet kids!! now, what i’m going to share is what helped ME…and i’m a bit OCD..but i couldn’t handle the NOT knowing…the never knowing when they were going to sleep, eat, etc. so i was VERY consistent with schedules, etc. and it helped my MENTAL state a TON. no, every day didn’t go “as planned”…but some days (lots of days!) did (once the youngest was 6 weeks or so…until then, it’s a crapshoot) and they flew by and i had no idea where the hours went, but we made it. day by day. and now my oldest is 13 and my youngest is 4 (i have 6 kids) and i MISS those days. for REAL. they are SO sweet and simple. SOAK them up. and be gentle with yourself. you are SO loved and not alone.
Lots of hugs for you… thank you Courtney :)
I had a little mantra to help with deal with the sometimes big emotions of my oldest. I reminded myself that while I had been a mom before, he had never been a big brother. It helped me slow down and give him extra grace and hugs when he was having a hard time adjusting to his new role.
This has totally opened my eyes, thank you for the fresh perspective. :)
We have a 2 year old girl and a 2 month old son. I would have to agree with you that I thought this would be much easier than it actually is. I think the key is to let all your expectations of productivity go and focus on the needs I each hour. This is WAY easier said than done. Some days I can feel myself fighting it and those are the hardest days. Let go. Drown the mean voice in your head that’s telling you to accomplish and get it together.
I have to remember that my kids are this age for a second. The nights are long but the years are short.
Oh and coffee…lots of coffee. I’ll send you some if you don’t have enough!
My four children span 4 1/2 years. The first two are spaced 13months apart, then the 3rd came 17months later, and finally the 4th came 24months after that. Their current ages are brand new 5yr old, almost 4yr, 2 1/2yr, and 6m. It totally gets easier. I can promise you! There are always gonna be hard, really hard days!! My best advice is to lower expectations of what will happen. I can not say that enough!! My tricks became taking my shower at night, aiming to get them on somewhat of an overlap for naptimes, and being content if there was only TWO things that I got done for the day. Which was usually every dressed, and make the bed! I kept a journal that I wrote tidbits down in when I could, and to go back during those first 6-9 months and re-read what I wrote it really helps me to remember that yes, the nursing pain ends, and yes they do start sleeping better, and yes it does get to a point where they let daddy console them too, naps become more predictable …and so on! Oh, and one thing that helped me alot was a good rhythm to our days. And babywearing! Its so physically demanding to have little ones to care for, so go easy on yourself. Before you know they can put on their own shoes, coat, and buckle into their carseat and then it’s like – man this is so much easier!!
My babies are 22 mos apart and I thought the first day I was home by myself with them was going to kill me (or one of them). It was the hardest thing I’ve every done it seemed. Everyone cried. Just remember you are doing your best, they are doing their best and everyone gets a kiss and a hug at the end of the day. 2 years later I have 2 fantastic little girls who seem no worse for the wear despite the rough start for our family of four. Thinking of you momma and know you are doing a fantastic job
I only have one, and my spouse and I have decided to only have one, so I have no sage words of advice, so I will offer you all I can. GOOD LUCK! And I’m glad you have a good support system :)
I am in the exact same boat as you! I have a 26 month old and an almost 6 week old, both girls. This is our first week home alone too. Its been terrifying, wonderful, frustrating, confusing, and so many other things. One minute I feel like crying from frustration and the next I feel like crying from joy because I love my girls so much! I have no advice for you, and instead I’m soaking up these lovely, encouraging comments too. But for me, sometimes the biggest help is knowing I’m not alone! Others have gone through this (and survived!) and I know women who are currently going through it! A support network, whether in person or on the internet, is such a huge blessing. :)
I’m SO glad you’ve read through the comments. There are many wonderful pieces of advice. This community blesses me so much and I’m grateful it’s blessing you, too.
Maggie!!! I love reading your updates. I am selfish to say I want more, yet can’t even update my own blog regularly! :/
I have twins!! I have no experience with kids at two different ages, but I would almost bet that having twins is easier than 18 months apart. With that age gap, they are both babies, but on totally different levels! With twins, everything stays the same!
However, I dont remember that first year! :) We are going on 4! While it is easier in some ways, the attitudes make it more challenging!!!!!!! :):):)
Praying for you momma!!!!
The days when I have complete thoughts (aka: when I can write a blog post) are so far between, my goodness! It’s like I’m not getting any sleep at night or something ;)
Wilder and Story are 21 months apart and whenever possible I’d baby wear, nap when they napped, And” rot outside”. I remember th exhaustion but would do it all over again. U r doing a great job!
This time is trying, but when you’re on the other side, it really does fly by. Get your sleep. I have 19 and 25-year-olds. The biggest mistake I made with the oldest was not getting my sleep. He has special needs, so that complicated things. I was tired, depressed, and grouchy! When the second came along, I realized how much I missed with the first and cherished every moment – and got my sleep!
Hang in there! You’re a great Mom, enjoying as much as you can. Do your best and whenever you can, take a picture. When they’re teenagers, it will be proof that you’re not as horrible as they tell their friends. Lol!