I always knew having two babies 19 months apart would be a wild, hard, great adventure — but my goodness it’s been hard. Sometimes I don’t know how to meet Max and Natalie’s needs at the same time, so I juggle the moment until we figure out a solution. We ride the beat until it steadies itself out.
Today is the last morning our families are visiting from Michigan. We’ve been blessed with five weeks of help, but the transition (once again) to our new routine will take time. It’s going to take a lot of intentionality from Zack and I, which is good — but I know the beat won’t always be steady.
And while we’re on the topic of intention, Zack and I have been on a couple of nap time dates lately which have helped me so much. I’ve had a hard time figuring out where “Maggie” fits into all of this. I know this has been something I’ve shared before, but in the past it’s usually been because my handmade business has kept me super busy. Now it’s my babies making the days zip by, and it’s a different kind of hard. I think all of us women have certain things we struggle with. Even as our lives transition, our struggles continue to show up with every new phase. I always overlook how much I enjoy painting my nails, so why do I make excuses for not having the 20 minutes it takes?
My best girlfriends threw me a baby shower on Saturday. Toward the end, each guest spent some time sharing how we met along with something they appreciate about me, and I can’t even begin to tell you how much that blessed me. Just like Joanna said, it’s so easy for us mamas to forget about our strengths or who we are aside from mamahood. It was a really neat experience to hear each guest’s story.
So on our date yesterday Zack and I talked about our cozy apartment and how to better organize it, how I’m ready to take everything off the walls and start fresh with our decor, and how I’m officially on the lookout for a roll-top secretary (And I’m very excited about this search!). Is this postpartum nesting thing normal? Someone say YES! :)
I feel good, I feel so blessed, and I’m really grateful for this community — for you.
And I’d love for you to share in the comments a struggle you have so we can cheer each other on.
PS. don’t forget to enter this $75 giveaway from Pear Tree Greetings! #holidaycards
My kids are 17 months apart and we’re just a few weeks away from not having two under two anymore. It’s still hard to balance needs. Generally I just pick a kid and get to work, diaper and feed then diaper and feed. When I only had one kid it seemed like there were entire days that are bad, now I recognize it’s tough moments or at most hours. Lunchtime and dinner prep are our witching hours but it gets better and I’ve gotten used to it. My youngest starts solids today and I realize how far too quickly he has grown. Our struggle now is that we may or may not be moving…in the next week with two kids under two, two dogs, too much unorganized stuff, and a Christmas tree (which seems to put the whole thing over the top. And we don’t even have a clear yes or no or even a move date. Ugh.
Wow you have a lot going on! I love that you’re choosing to enjoy the “now” instead of holding your breath and waiting for the future — which meant you decorated your tree even though you could be moving soon! One of my friends once shared with me something along the lines of, “our children won’t wait for us, every day they grow up just a little bit more.” Sounds like you’re doing the right thing! I’ve been trying to use my crockpot more for dinner. I hear you on the witching hour… yikes! :) My plan is to get started on dinner at the beginning of naptime. I’m so glad you commented Jennifer :) Thanks for joining in!!! xoxo
I remember when our kids were four, three and almost two…and I was 8 ½ months pregnant with our fourth; it was all I could do to keep everyone fed and clothed some days. I remember that nearly every time we went out, someone would tell me that it’ll get easier when they’re older. I think I just laughed it off at first, but later I clung to it like a life raft. : ) The funny thing is, that at almost eleven and ten (our girls are thirteen months apart), eight and six…it does get easier! I think any mother will tell you that no matter the ages or number of children, there will always be crazy days and really really good days too! : ) Getting my hair done has always felt like a mini vacation and on shopping days, we’ll take a little break at Granggie’s and the kids will play outside while I sit on the porch with my Mom drinking coffee. It’s so good that you’re taking nap breaks! I think every Mama needs mini breaks, even if it’s only for thirty minutes. : )
Amen!
My goal this month? Keep the mouths fed and bottoms clean! And also lots of playtime and snuggles :)
Our 1st baby was born at the end of August. She has been a very fussy baby and for the past few months many days have ended in tears for me. I never knew a baby could be so fussy… Since hitting 3 months old she is SO much better and during her awake time she is content and happy. Now we are just working on getting her to sleep better… Was up every 2-3 hrs with her last night and the night before and she is awful at napping. Hubby tries to give me breaks when he isn’t working, but we have no family close by and that makes it even harder for me. So jealous of those moms who can have grandma watch the baby while they take a nap or go to get a haircut… Praying the transition is smooth as your families leave soon!
Hi Megan.
I have a 10 week old and am feeling the exact same way, except we haven’t gotten to the easier 3month part yet. No family close by and sleep deprived for sure!
Obviously I don’t know you, but I’m praying for you and your little family today!
Best,
Kristen
Maggie, Megan & Kristen,
I am praying for each of you. My Nina will be 12 in 3 weeks! She was my dream baby. After a rough pregnancy she was such a angel baby. Slept well, ate well. Dreamy. Then at 2 years 5 days my son came along and oH.My.Goodness he was not dreamy, there was no dreaming going on not at night, not during the day. And yes things do get better, but they also stay hard. Let me try to explain. When they are little they just can’t tell us whist they want or need. I struggle with mine not “needing” me so much, and trying to keep that connection while letting them become who God intends them to be (apart from Mom). They talk when they want to, before I couldn’t get them to quiet down for a moment! Lol being a mother is the hardest most rewarding job! If I could I’d come give you all a break, because I could use some snuggle time! (PS could one of you tell my kids they should hug mom more?😉) praying for you.
This is such beautiful advice Sara!
And thank you Sara, Kristen and Megan for sharing a bit of your heart :)
Hi Megan & Kristen! Have you heard of the “5 S’s System“? I fall back on these five tips over and over, all day long. Something else that helps me is figuring out what my baby’s cry sounds like for hunger, dirty diaper and sleepy. Once I figure these out things feel way less chaotic. I know it’s so hard. A crying baby makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong. How am I supposed to relax when my baby is crying? But, it does get better. I hope the link above and learning your baby’s cries are helpful tips. I’ll be praying. xoxo
All the women with really fussy babies, it’s sounds like classic colic to me. Once you’ve fed, changed and done whatever else you think may be bothering your baby they still continue to cry. Their digestive systems are immature and some babies are more sensitive than others. There are various things you can try including the 5 S’s, gas drops, massage, placing them over your knee and patting their back, chiropractor, craniosacral therapy, etc. Just know that sometime between 3-4 (sometimes earlier) months they will grow out of it and most likely be a completely different baby
It’s so important to find those little moments that make “you” feel like “you.” For me, it’s sitting, reading a book and drinking a cup of coffee. Or doing my nails :) I also love at-home-date-nights after the little ones are in bed. So important!
My greatest struggle right now is with my 4 year old. Her personality is a hard one to figure out. She tests me, pushes me, and forces me to rely on Jesus in a new way. It’s a good thing, but so, so hard some days.
Sometimes I think we’re faced with certain challenges because it’s an area for us to improve in as well. It doesn’t make it easier, but reminding myself of that helps me to view the situation from a different angle.
And YES! Dates. The entire day can go by without any adult interaction. My husband had 3 weeks of paternity leave and many nights in a row we both fell asleep maxed out on exhaustion. Having a date, whether at home or away, helped us so much. xoxo
Thanks for this. Like you we live far from family (We’re in Seattle, they are in CT and VA). Being so far away is hard, as is having the built in support system. I definitely feel myself get lost in the mix sometimes, but trying to stay positive and focused helps.
xoxo
My boy and girl are 18 months apart just like yours. Those first months were straight up HARD. Especially once we were over the sleepy first few weeks and the baby was awake more throughout her day. I was happy and fortunate to have a son who liked coming up on the couch to cuddle while I was nursing our daughter and it felt like a very special time, the three of us. It’s a different kind of hard now that they’re 3 and 1.5. Everyone sleeps though the night, they feed themselves, can communicate what they want.. But hey it’s still hard at times. And magical at times. Watching my daughter try and do everything her big brother does is really heart warming. Watching him care for her and help her melts a mamas heart. There will always always be those ups and downs. We just have to keep on keeping on.
And I really felt what you said about remembering who you were in the midst of it all. There were times when I felt like I was taking care of everyone else for my entire day and where was the care I was taking for myself? When my baby was 8 months old I, quite randomly, started taking Bollywood dance classes- just for me. Just because. It’s been great having that one hour to look forward to, to meet other ladies (as just myself.. Not as a mom on a play outing.)
You’re doing great.
It’s silly almost, I know how important self-care is but when the opportunity hits to spend some time on myself, for myself, I’m too tired. BUT, I know Natalie is just 5 weeks old so I need to be more gracious. And maybe this means it’s time to try out a new hobby… right? :)
Kuddos to you for figuring out what helps you so early! Our third boy (all under five) is five weeks old and I’m remembering how to navigate these waters. I want to just be “Lisa” sometimes and not mama and I’m working on making the time for that even if I’m not going to sleep for 12 hours straight anytime soon like I would like :)
And yes, postpartum nesting is definitely the norm. I just totally redid our master closet and I’m so proud of it!
Hope everything goes well with your next transition! You will figure out a rhythm; give it time.
Yes! You are a beautiful amazing momma, with precious babies and awesome husband. it IS a busy season of life but I hope you will cherish every moment, even the crazy ones and embrace them. These truly are some of the greatest moments of your lives. Happy nesting, go find a great deal on rolltop desk. Love a thankful gram gram
Hello from Minneapolis! I have a 4-year-old daughter and a 4-month-old son. The transition is the hardest; transitioning to a family of four AND transitioning to back to work at 12 weeks. My daughter is stretching her wings and testing the limits which is very challenging. She was my loving, quiet, emotional little girl until very recently and the start of preschool. Now, she tells me almost daily that she “doesn’t need me” or that she “likes Daddy better.” My son is quite possibly the sweetest, squishiest, little angel. I supplement the hugs I am missing from my daughter with snuggle time with him. I only had my husband home for a couple days post-partum before he returned to work and THAT was a transition too. I kept telling myself “one hour at a time.” If I could get the 4-year old to pee and get dressed, VICTORY! If I could feed the baby and the older kid wasn’t swinging from the curtains, VICTORY! It became a fun sort of game to get me to 5 PM and when my husband came home. Before I knew it, that day-to-day mentality ushered in week after week and life became easier. I pray for all of you new moms facing challenges to have peace and trust in the transition. He is with you during that time. Trust the process and know you will emerge victorious on the other end!
I can say now that I’m 4 months in to juggling a full time job, 2 kids, a house, and a husband (and two cats!) and a beautiful pattern and rhythm has emerged. There is joy abound!
BEEN THERE! I had three Whitley’s in a row! June 2002, July 2003 and December 2004. After the last one was born (five days to be exact) daddy deployed to Iraq for 8 months. I HAD to adopt the motto “He can cry, he will not die” (ALL BOYS) because the oldest son who was 7 would worry so much about the crying baby(s) and I would know that I’d changed and fed them, and that dinner also had to be made and laundry put in the machine and I just couldn’t stop it all to pick up a fussy cryer. It was a hard time for me but I survived! My last guy will be 10 next week and I made it! You will too dear one, I know you will. Love to you from one Whitley to another!!
I had my first little on one Nov 8th of this year. I’m learning to completely change my schedule to meet my little one’s needs. Trying to remember that it’s ok to snuggle all day with my little guy (especially since he’s only a little over a month old) and that my side business can take a back seat for a little while and may even need to evolve into something different now that I’m a momma! Also, on those days when he’s fussy, I just need to remember that he’s a baby (babies cry) and I’m not the worst mom when I have no idea why he’s crying.
I have been trying to write this comment, but I keep hitting delete. I have been a mom for 13 years and I have never really thought about taking care of me and very rarely left to go somewhere by myself. I am now trying to figure out who Karen is and it has been a struggle. This place that I am at right now is not good. I just wanted to write and say take that time for yourself, don;t forget who you are, because you don’t want to be where I am now. All of the mothers commenting and of course you Maggie are wonderful moms and adjusting after your second or third…is hard, but it does get easier.
XOXO