today i have a special treat for you mamas + mama-to-be’s :) my blog friend emily of anderson family crew is here to share with us how important it is to make time for rest. and, emily knows! she’s a mama to 6 littles. wanna know something great? i “met” emily years ago when i first started blogging — it’s been amazing to watch her family grow! emily is hilarious and real and creative and we share the same faith. it’s great… i love reading her blog and so for today i’ve asked her to share with you all the importance of rest. i’m not sure why this is, but ever since i read her post on having quiet/nap time every afternoon, i’ve been almost infatuated with this concept… mainly because it makes me happy that emily knows what’s best for her family. yes, i’m a dork :)
on that note, several of you have asked about balancing your time + days with running a business and being a wife and/or mama, so if that’s you, please read on! emily’s advice is timeless and i’m hoping it speaks to you as it does to me.
some of my favorite emily posts: this one, and this, and this one, too. xo
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Hello Gussy readers…I’m Emily, wife to Mr. Anderson and mama to 6 wildly awesome children.
Our oldest just turned 8, and our youngest is 4 months…so to say our life is chaotic, is an understatement. Because of the understood chaos that takes place in our house on a daily basis, this mama needs some quiet time.
My 4 oldest are in school for half days (home by 1:00) and I usually spend the mornings running errands or catching up on housework (our laundry pile is always amazing). By the time the oldest are all home, and after we finish up lunch and homework, it’s my favorite time of the day: rest time.
Ever since my oldest was about 1, I have implemented an afternoon nap time. As he’s gotten older, it’s no longer a nap time for him, but a rest time. As each new baby is added to the family, I work my hardest to get them on the same afternoon schedule (meaning, they take their longest nap in the afternoon). At this point I have 3 that nap, and 3 that just rest. “Resting” can look very different for each child, depending on their needs that day. Sometimes they are cranky and I know they need alone time, so I have them grab some books and puzzles and head to their bed. Other times, they are allowed to play quietly with their sibling that’s awake…but this only lasts if they remain quiet. If they fight, or are loud, then they have to go back to playing alone.
Every day I remind my kids that rest time isn’t for them, but it’s for mama. I need this time. Over the years it’s changed, as the needs of my kids have changed. We’ve experienced afternoons where rest time lasts for 3 hours, and sometimes it lasts for 1 hour. Either way, I’m getting time to myself every afternoon.
So, since I committed to having my kids rest every afternoon, I make sure I’m doing the same thing. For years now, I only allow myself to do things that are fun and recharging for me in the afternoon. This can look different on any given day, but some examples are: write a couple blog posts; catch up on some of my favorite shows; do a crafty craft; read a book; have some time with the Lord; take a nap. Whatever is needed so that I can recharge myself, I’m gonna try to do it.
Let me say that it’s not always perfect. Some days I walk away feeling even more exhausted than before, because my kids weren’t cooperating. Since having a new baby, I have felt like I’ve had to really lay the hammer down during rest time because I only have a little bit of time completely to myself, while my newest one sleeps. So, when she lays down, I set the timer for 45 minutes and tell the kids that are awake still, that they may not play with each other, or come and get me (unless someone is dying of course) until the timer goes off. This usually ensures I get about 30-45 minutes to myself—but not always. Life isn’t perfect.
So, to all you mama’s out there, let me tell you something. You need this time. It doesn’t matter if it comes in the morning or the afternoon, but for your sanity, you need this time. Don’t you have things that you love to do? Maybe it’s painting… or photography… or writing… or organizing… or meal planning/cooking… or heck, maybe it’s watching T.V. If you love it, make some time for it. You don’t need to be at your kids beck and call all day long. In fact, when you get time to yourself, you will be a better wife and mom for it… I promise.
If you’ve never had an afternoon rest time, or if you are struggling with a toddler that won’t nap anymore, don’t give up that afternoon time. It’s okay to put your kids in their rooms for an hour or so in the afternoon. Give them some books/puzzles/legos. Make them have to figure out a way to not be bored. If you think “there is no way my kid will stay put for an hour in their room” then start out with 15 minutes. Set the timer for 15 minutes… then gradually add 5-10 minutes to their rest time every day so that you are finally at an hour. And be consistent with it… and don’t give up when you add a new baby to the mix… work hard at getting them accustomed to sleeping long in the afternoon.
I hope this helps some of you with finding time to yourself. I realize that not all of you will think you need this, or maybe even some of you already have another routine going, and that’s great. But if you are struggling, then hopefully you can get started today!
* If you have any questions about how I do things, leave a comment here!
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES FROM GUSSY:
Tsh of Simple Mom, a day in the life – love seeing into others lives!
Nester, Lovely Limitations :: 12 days a month – how Nester only works 12 days a month, amazing!
what an amazing mom she is! what a great idea to have a rest time!! once we start having more kids… i’ll have to do this as well to keep sane!!!
I am not a mother but I think that your advice is spot on. My mom used to do the same thing- have rest time in the afternoon. Although I hated it as a child, it taught me that in order to take care of others, you have to take care of yourself :)
I am not a momma yet but this advice is inspiring and must be spot on. And, in addition to being a total win for the mom, it teaches the kids how to be independent and how to entertain themselves or get along with others. Living in a world today where I must be constantly engaged to feel worth something, I wish I had learned as a young child that alone time, time with just me, is good and I can enjoy it. Excellent post! :)
This post came at just the right time and has touched my heart deeply. Thank you Gussy for bringing Emily front and center today. And Emily thank you so much for sharing so much of your heart.
The discipline you show at making this time possible is amazing. It’s tough to get kids to cooperate at a certain time each day, but I know it’s so worth the effort. You have a lovely family.
love, love, LOVE this. my husband & I were just talking about this concept, too, because my mom did this with me + my sisters. when we were little it was naptime, but as we got older it just became “quiet time”. There are 4 of us, each 2 years apart {along with a surprise sister who is 13 years younger then me}, and we would each go to our own separate space and read, play quietly, do crafts, etc. I definitely plan on doing this with my kids someday!
I only have one child, but she feels like 6 some days. She is high energy, and gave up naps for good by 2.5 and they had been on their way out long before that. She used to do quiet time really well until she figured out how to open her door. Then things got challenging. Then trying to keep her in her room became more exhausting than doing nothing at all….but it was wearing on me and I was going to snap. I need that break desperately each day. So I let her have Daddy’s kindle this pas week. She is happy to lay in her bed and watch shows or play game on it and she likes and begs for quiet time now. I fought this and struggled with this for a long time, because I like to limit TV/glowing device time. However, if this is the one time a day she gets it and I TRY to limit it the rest of the day then that is what is going to happen right now. She may outgrow it….maybe not….I have no idea. Mommy guilt is a difficult thing. But getting that break is so important. Most of my friends with kids her age still take 2.5-3 hour naps….and kids over a year older still take naps. I am jealous. And pregnant with #2 and I get scared how I will handle 2 when 1 exhausts me so. But I will just keep figuring it out as I go and try not to let the mommy guilt get to me too much. Thanks for reminding me how important this is for me.
if sticking her with a kindle is what works for you right now, then that’s FINE! it’s a season, we have to remember that. she’s not going to turn into a ball of mush for playing a few games every afternoon. and if it helps you to recharge, then that’s what you need to do.
my 2 year old doesn’t like to stay in his bed either…i’ve had to really discipline him for it, and he’s finally to the point where he will stay put. i turn a book on CD on, and a white noise fan, and tell him that he has to lay there until the story is up—by the time it’s finished, he’s usually sleeping.
remember, you are the mama and if you want her to stay in bed, you have to commit to being consistent with her about it. even at 2.5, she can learn that this is where i need to be for awhile.
also, if you are content with her just playing quietly in her room, have you tried putting up a baby gate on her door?
hang in there mama—you’re doing great!
I love Emily’s blog. Read it everyday. I’m not a mother, but I’ve been a nanny for a long time. One particular family I worked for we always had rest time. I needed an hour to myself to be a better sitter. I needed a moment of quiet a moment to read, or watch something other than a kids show, etc. I learned quickly that I will always have rest time in my house.
This past weekend we were caring for two tweens. I made them have rest time. I think it’s important for everyone to have so alone, quite time.
I love this! This is SO important. I work outside of the home so I can’t get that rest time in the afternoons but on the weekends you better believe we rest. We rest together, so I don’t really get time to do personal things, but laying down for 1-2 hours really does recharge you. I too LOVE Emily and her blog! Such an inspiration and really does have this mothering gig really figured out!
Great post!!!!
I wholeheartedly agree with you on this! I have two kids and my third is due the first week of May. I’m getting to that anxious part of pregnancy where I know the next few weeks/months are going to be a little crazy….and being the worrier I am, I’m thinking about naptimes & after school pick up and coordinating it all and while I know it won’t be perfect, it will work….eventually. :) I actually just told my 6yrold yesterday that he does not have to “nap” today….but that he still has to rest and let mama rest. He was STOKED to say the least….we’ll see how he feels after today. :) (I made him PROMISE not to tell his 3yrold sister though who still very much needs to sleep!) haha
Thanks for your encouraging words! Here’s to rest for mamas!!
Oh yes! This is my first year without a kiddo. (My “baby” started first grade) Ironically, it is also the time in which my Hubby is out of work, so instead of kids home, I have a Hubby. There is not a doubt in my mind God knew what he was doing…Sometimes I wish he’d hurry up already, but I am learning a new balance with my time.
I also had one really good napper, my girl, the oldest and one that would take 2 maybe 3 -30 minute naps. ARGH. So we also did “rest time”. Now, that time comes right after school. The boy is usually wiped out from having to sit still all day, so he goes outside and rides his bike or plays hockey. The girl likes to lock herself in her room and be teacher! Either way I don’t get a conversation with them until dinner. Which we eat EVERYday together at the table.
sounds like you have a plan! i know our days will look different next school year, as we transistion into public school, full days, so this was good to read about how to handle rest time when they get home from a long day of school!
This is awesome advice. I only have one child so far.. but even now, I know how important that time to myself is! I have SO much respect for Emily for doing it with 6! I totally agree- you’ll be a better mama when you have some time for yourself.
Amen to the rest time! I have four, and I have transitioned each one (except the youngest, who still naps) to rest time immediately after they’ve stopped napping. I recharge by being alone, but since I homeschool and have my kiddos with me all day, this time is vital for my mental and emotional well-being!
as a homeschooling mama (which i’m not) you definitely need that time to yourself! so glad that you know and understand that!
What a wonderful post. God has really been putting this concept on my heart lately, and it’s kind of fun to see all the ways He’s using to reinforce the message..like a great Gussy post :) Thanks for speaking to my heart. Afternoon naps are better than chocolate in my book, but impossible during the work week. Praying I find a new way to “rest” so my family can enjoy a happier, healthier, more energetic mama.
ADORE this. Thank you, Emily!
Thank you do much for this post Emily! I follow your blog and always wonder HOW you do it! We want to have a big family, but when I’m struggling with our fast crawling, almost walking 10mo old, I wonder how I will EVER get anything done and not feel so exhausted all the time! I was wondering how you get your kiddos to nap… Do you nurse them to sleep? Let them fuss a little? I’ve been struggling with getting our baby to sleep at ALL and naps are such a fight! any words of wisdom from an experienced Mama are appreciated!!
candace, i left you a comment below—thought that i hit reply on this, but maybe i didn’t…
hi candace!
well, getting my babies to sleep have always been different for each one…right now, i usually nurse olive with a loud fan on in our room (she sleeps in our room)…then i lay her down while she is still awake, but sleepy. i give her a pacifier and a blankie to snuggle with and she falls asleep. that loud fan is essential to keeping her asleep because we live in a very small house, and you can hear every noise! that “white noise” helps her to stay asleep the whole afternoon.
i also make sure that she doesn’t sleep the morning away…meaning, i let her take a morning nap, but only for about an hour—that way she sleeps for longer in the afternoon.
it’s okay to let your baby fuss a little, in my opinion. at 10 months old, they can soothe themselves to sleep. i usually put a few small toys in their crib, and let them play—and eventually they fall asleep.
i hope that helps—good luck mama, and hang in there!
Love this. I have an 17 month old and another one on the way in August. Seriously, I NEED rest time! The days are so long if I don’t have it and I just feel horrible. At the same time, though, sometimes I feel guilty about making my kid take a nap/rest because I want to. Thanks for making that guilt a little less!
I love this. I have tried for years to do this, but admittedly I am not consistant. Because I homeschool and there are 7 of them, i NEED this time. Right now i put the little ones down and allow the bigger ones to play or read quietly. It makes such a difference in all of our days, Im crazy not to be more consistant with it. Thank you for being such an inspiration to all of us mamas:)
Thanks for the tips Emily! :)
The only thing I want to say to you is: THANKS!
An amazing read, thank you for sharing!
This is wonderful advice. Here’s the line that made me bookmark this post:
“Every day I remind my kids that rest time isn’t for them, but it’s for mama.”
I am definitely the type of person who recharges with alone time. I’m hoping for 5 or 6 kids someday, and very hopeful to have afternoon rest time. :)